Abi's 300th post....

Just when I thought I was moving into lighter shades of purple...my eldest and I were in a horrific accident on Saturday.  By the grace of God, our lives were spared and we are in the process of determining how much injury we sustained.  But I saw Papa's fingerprints of mercy everywhere and am awed by his love for us.

I have a busy couple of weeks ahead, dealing with doctors and insurance stuff...and the search for a replacement for the trusty vehicle that gave it's all to save our lives....


So, my interrupted posting schedule will continue to be interrupted for a bit longer.

Be blessed ... and remember that defensive driving saves lives!

Abi and Perichoresis... finally

Anyone following this wee purple abbess for any length of time knows that she has been processing the deep reality of the interpenetrating, other-centered, mutuality-in-equality nature of the Eternal Circle -- the relationship of Father and Son in the Holy Spirit -- and how it is that humanity has been included in that glorious dance, which the early church fathers called perichoresis.

What I am so surprised to find out is that my 20+ years of obsession with cHesed has been, as it were, my ruby slippers...they have always had the power to take me home, but I was not ready to know and use their power.

Since writing on my tablet makes posting more complicated, I will post from my computer later.  But for now, I want to share the basics:  perichoresis is the Greek equivalent of the Hebrew concept of cHesed.  And just as cHesed is a concept that takes some time to wrap our head around, perichoresis is equally challenging.

But not any more ... not for me.

Ironically, I have come full circle, as it were.  My long study of cHesed began as a formula for salvation and sanctification and discipleship.  It was what "works" looked like as the flip side of "faith".  But the stumbling block was in whose works and faith are in view.

My first shift came four years ago, when Wayne Jacobsen spent the weekend with our SYB group.  I mentioned my thoughts about cHesed, to which he replied:  "Yes, but you have the order wrong. You have to receive it from Father first."

I spent the next four years reading and listening to Wayne.  What an interesting desert time that was -- so close, and yet so far.  It is truly a mystery to experience and understand Father's love.  I am so grateful for Wayne's ministry in my deepest darkness.

But it was finally time to experience the ministry of Baxter Kruger.  I had heard of him, even visiting his website and looking around.  Clearly, I was not ready to hear what he had to say.  Not yet.  Until last fall, when I read The Shack: Revisited.  Baxter took all the mind blowing ideas from The Shack and unpacked them through the prism of perichoresis.

I had read through Baxter's book three times -- even reread The Shack before the third time.  It was so strange -- reading and comprehending, but unable to retain and process fully.

Then, just as my personal world blew up, my friend sent me the link to Baxter's "In" series.

And as I had done with Wayne  previously, I listened to those five recordings almost every day for the next three months.

Sometimes, there were words that seemed too good to be true.  But by the time I returned from The OTC, the shift in thinking had taken place ... and cHesed  was the clutch in my mental gear box.

Just as it is the faith of Jesus we believe, it is the cHesed of Jesus that we live.  Jesus has brought us into the Eternal Circle in him.  We only share with others  what we are actively experiencing in Jesus.

I stood in my familiar ruby cHesed slippers -- truly my feet were shod in the gospel of peace -- and unleashed their power as I clicked my heels three times while saying "There's no place like home.  There's no place like home. There's  no place like home."

Truly, I have come home.  I didn't even know I was wandering around lost.  But my senses are processing  the overload, even as Sarayu/Grandmother continues to heal my eyes so that I may see more clearly.

More later.   Be blessed today, friends....

Abi and The Open Table Conference

It has been almost seven years since I attended the Missional Orders conference at Seabeck, Washington -- out of which this blog was birthed!  To say that I have gone through enormous changes during these seven years would be the grossest of understatements.

What is interesting, though, it to see how much I "knew" -- even just a few months ago, even -- that seems, well, rather Greek in it's knowing about ... instead of Hebrew and it's knowing by experience. We never do stop growing in our understanding.  There is so much to be experienced on this journey in Jesus -- in ways that we have not experienced before.  I am learning, still, to relax....

I spent this past weekend in Oregon's central desert with an interesting and eclectic group of folks at The Open Table Conference.  This was my first conference since Seabeck ... and it was just as (if not more, actually) life changing.

I did not know what to expect.  I only knew that Papa was asking me to just go.  I'm not sure exactly what my expectations were, but I tried to lean into the living verb and wait in expectancy for what Grandmother had waiting for me.

One of the things I learned at Seabeck, which was sponsored by Alan Roxburg's Allelon, was the importance of listening to one another.  (Allelon is Greek for "one another".)  They had a saying that remains so meaningful to me:  "Listening one another into free speech."

I don't know about you, but sometimes this very extroverted Abbess doesn't really know what she thinks about something until she is able to talk out loud.  This requires someone to listen.  And we humans tend to be less than stellar listeners.  Sigh....

One of the things I received this past weekend was the opportunity to listen and be listened to.

First thing Saturday morning, I was talking with Marilyn and Gordon ... and the next thing I knew, I was telling them things most would not be comfortable hearing.  Especially as related to my string of horrible injuries leading up the the last one four years ago.  The one I affectionately call The Fall...

Marilyn's ears perked up and she said:  "You haven't had just a concussion.  You have a TBI."  She and Gordon began to ask about problems that I was having without my saying anything.  Wow...it is truly rare to talk with someone who knows what I'm dealing with.  Their son fell from a horse 17 years ago, and they have been walking this harrowing journey with him.  Their encouragement alone made the trip worthwhile....

The worst part of most of my injuries has been that they are not necessarily visible -- or not for long.  But the cumulative effect of these injuries over the past 13 years has been fairly overwhelming ... because folks have a hard time understanding that the process of healing can be very slow.  I am in year four of this particular mid-brain TBI ... and have realized that I had suffered seven head injuries in my life -- at least two of which would also be considered mild TBIs.  It sometimes takes 10 years for even a mild TBI to resolve.  If you know someone suffering this way, be gentle with them....

Under the wonderful care of my homeopath and my chiropractic neurologist, I have truly made remarkable progress.  But I have come to a kind of crossroad of my own:  my level of stress has been so high that my brain is unable to heal...and it actually being damaged by the over-stimulation that comes from being in a fairly constant mode of Fight or Flight.  The reasons are many and I'll not burden you with them...but I did have to do something to bring the stress down.

Into this place of chaos, Papa brought Baxter Kruger and his series called "In".  I have already shared about his amazing book, The Shack Revisited.  Now he has released his Study Guide.  I can't wait to work through it!

Anyway, please download his "In" series -- I don't know how long it will remain up on his website -- I have been listening to it since the end of February.  Sometimes daily.  Do this while you're waiting for your copy of the book to be delivered (unless, like me, you got the Kindle version)....

Building on the important work of Wayne Jacobsen, Paul's and Baxter's work have helped Sarayu make another significant shift in my journey.  What I so appreciate about all three of these men is that they are humble and hold their knowledge and experience gently.  They want to encourage you in your journey with Father, Son and Spirit -- they don't want to be your leader.

Baxter, in person and in his writings, is my kind of folk:  say it simple with as little religious jargon as possible.  Having listened to him for so long, I can "hear" him in his books.  Love that....  I am so very grateful for you, Brother Baxter!

Anyway ... I am processing so much right now that I am a bit in overload -- and my brain is complaining!  But I did want to post this update and let you know how grateful I am for the faithful cHesed of the blessed Trinity.

More later....

...oh, yeah -- my eldest son graduates from high school this Friday, so it's a little busy around here.

Be blessed!

Abi and Baby Steps....

It has been a long time, friends.  There is a tremendous work going on in the wildly fractal garden Sarayu tends that is my soul, which I hope to be able to share with you soon.  But not quite yet.

I will say, however, that I will be embracing something I heard from Craig Groeschel back in 2007:  anything I say may only be good for 90 days!  Hahaha...this means that much of what I have pondered in this wee purple blog may have expired.  Not all of it, mind you, but enough to remind me that embracing uncertainty and mystery is a wiser path to travel....

One day, when we are face-to-face with God, we will all be overcome with a huge case of what Baxter Kruger calls "family embarrassment" ... when the family album comes out at we shake our heads at the things we did ... bless our hearts!

If we live long enough searching for what is true, we are already well acquainted with this experience.  I know that I am....

Last summer I began Tweeting my way through cHesed ... until I hit a rock in the road.  Who knew it was "The Rock", Jesus, saving me from more embarrassment?!?

I am hopeful that this summer will see the next steps toward sharing the richness of cHesed ... but I will be taking baby steps, because I have lots of, um, revisions to my thinking going on.  Some pruning.  Some serious weeding.  Some cross-pollination.  Some grafting.  Some staking and supporting. Some new seeds and seedlings.  Lots of feeding and watering and sunshine.  But Sarayu loves this soul work ... and Papa is smiling as we embrace the messiness of it all.

Be blessed during this weekend as we embrace holy suffering, waiting in darkness, and glorious resurrection -- the amazing grace of adoption accomplished in Jesus.

Abi

Abi and Paul Young's Cross Roads....

Well, Thanksgiving was busy around here -- North and South houses have reunited and we are all crammed back into the South House.  It is taking some getting used to ... not having a North House any longer....

Reading is still something that takes me so much longer than before ... sigh!  While I am still reading Baxter Kruger's book (and I agree that if you liked The Shack, this is an important book for you to read.  I may not have to write any more on my perichoresis stuff...or it may just help me fine tune my thoughts), I finished Paul Young's new book today.

Have you heard of this book yet?  I must say that it is important to let this new book be what it is ... and it is not The Shack, part 2.  It has some important things to say, and says them in some very interesting ways ... but I don't know if lightening will strike twice.  We'll see how it sells, eh?  Haven't had time to look at anyone else's thoughts about it yet....

Perhaps I am in such a different place ... and have traveled so many of my own Cross Roads since visiting The Shack ... that it just wasn't as much of a shock to my soul?  I am still ruminating, so I won't go on right at the moment.

* * * * * * *

I am hoping to do something fun for Advent this year ... we will see!  This will be our last Advent with our firstborn ... this is a year full of "lasts", as he will be graduating from high school in June and going off to college at the end of next summer.  He is in the throes of college applications and essay writing at this very moment....

* * * * * * *

Clutter ... my house and brain are full of extra stuff, and I am in need of some serious simplicity around here. I will work through that I can each day.  I will be back to process some of what Papa, Sarayu, Jesus and I have been up to ... when it is the right time and when the words begin to flow out of my fingers.

I am still hoping to finish my Tweetinar on cHesed that was going so well in early summer.  And then I will begin to put some of that good condensed work here for you to process.

I find that I have changed quite a lot in these past five years ... some of the things I have blogged about seem like a lifetime ago.  I am sure that there will be much more of that to come.  If I am beginning to get any kind of inkling about The Truth, it will turn me on my head ... again!  But it will also cause me to get out my dancing shoes.  Yes, those purple ones!  ;^)

Wondering whether I am turning into an introvert ... or just so exhausted by living life that I haven't got energy to talk or blog or even Tweet about it?

Well, I have meandered far enough.  Be blessed, friends, wherever your journey takes you today.

Abi-ezer

Abi's Post-Election Ponderings....

For a wee purple abbess with neurological over stimulation problems, this election cycle has been a form of torture ... and, now that the pathetic display of deficient active listening and critical thinking skills is not front and center ... a "Third Way" -- you know, the alternative that is always available to polarized people, but is not visible when people have their eyes averted and their ears tuned out -- occurred to me.

Jesus said something about the problem of those who have eyes but cannot see and those who have ears but cannot hear ... that they cannot be healed because they do not realize they are sick.  Years ago I preached a sermon from the Gospel of Mark on this passage -- the one most bibles call the parable of the sower, but I think it is really the parable of the soil -- and I think it would be a very profitable word study for folks to see what the scriptures say about hearing and seeing ... and the consequences for the community when "everyone did what was right in their own eyes"....

The problem in this parable is not with the seed or the sower.  The seed is the Good News and the sower is God ... no, the problem is with the soil -- and whether it was properly prepared to receive the seed.  For our God is a prodigal Father -- extravagant and wasteful is his amazing love for us.  He casts the Seed broadly. He lets the sun and rain fall on the good and the evil doers alike.  He is especially fond of each of us -- even in the midst of our messes.  But he is also one to allow the full weight of the consequences for the decisions his precious Eikons to fall squarely and painfully on their shoulders. It is harsh to watch new plants choked out by weeds or whither in the heat of the sun. We have to learn to live by faith precisely because God does NOT swoop in and save us from our choices, the choices or others, and Mother Nature.  And we are not smart enough to understand what God is up to with his creation.  Truly, we're not.  Let God's strength be shown in the midst of our weaknesses.

* * * * * * * 

This looks like it's going to take a while -- maybe you might want to get a cup of coffee or tea.  I'll wait for you.  ;^)

* * * * * * *

In the past I have called God the Ultimate Situational Leader -- because of his willingness to adapt his way of leading to our readiness to follow.  But now I am thinking of adding Ultimate Love & Logic Parent to his long list of attributes.

I wish I had learned the principles of Love & Logic before I had children, so that my sons could have had the benefit of this when they were small.  And my husband and I could have saved so much damage to our relationship over how to parent. But they say it is never too late, so we have begun to try to learn to be parents in this way ... and it is no small task to re-parent yourselves so that you can become better parents.  

Anyway...enough of that particular pity party...and on to the point of this post:  the people in our country have become petulant children -- not unlike the two sons described here -- and they are in need of Love & Logic parenting to keep them from self-destructing.

There are basically two types of problem parents:  

• The Helicopters, who are always hovering around the children, ready to swoop in and rescue them from their poor choices.  (This has morphed into the Attack version -- you know the one who attacks anyone who tried to hold their children accountable for their behavior and choices.)  They are generally recognized by the smothering style of love -- a love that enslaves their children to them and stunts their growth toward maturity.  They are most often mothers, but there are some helicopter fathers out there, too.
• The Drill Sergeants, who are always ordering their children around, telling them what to do in every circumstance -- trying to prevent them from making poor choices.  They are generally recognized by their "tough love" style and belief that their kids won't learn to make good choices without their "help" and because everything is about control and order...no chaos allowed.  Logic reigns.  They are most often fathers, but there are some drill sergeant mothers out there, too.

But there is a healthy form of parenting out there, and it is called The Consultant.  These precious ones have what I call the right mix of order and chaos.  It is my CovenantClusters Rule of Life:

Enough organization for relationships to thrive. Enough chaos for creativity and communitas to emerge. Every need met.

Love allows for the chaos of learning from our mistakes -- and the earlier we make those mistakes, the less deadly they tend to be.  It provides a safe environment for the hard work of falling down and getting up.  Repeatedly.  Perhaps 70 times 7 times.   The Consultant Parent uses love to empathize with their children as they suffer the consequences for their choices.  Not a whiff of sarcasm allowed here -- true sorrow with them in their time of pain.  The Consultant knows the wisdom in realizing there is a good reason for having two ears and one mouth....

Logic recognizes the natural consequences that come as a result of all our choices.  Some are favorable ... others, not so much.  And it calls for helping the children to think clearly about what they have done, what their options are to fix their mistakes, and how to make right the relationships that have suffered.  The Consultant -- having listened well -- doesn't tell the child what to do, but asks helpful questions ... like "what are you going to do about that?" instead of the unhelpful questions ... like "why did you do that?"  or "what were you thinking?"

I have bits of each of these three styles.  I am a recovering helicopter and drill sergeant and a developing consultant -- my eyes and ears are open now...and the healing is beginning.

My, but this is painful work.  Parenting is all about the behavior of the parent, not the child.  It is hard work.  Lord, have mercy ... trusting God's cHesed for me is essential to my success, because I know that I cannot do this in my own strength or wisdom.   Hmmm...purple parenting....

* * * * * * *

Back to post-election pondering, with that context set...and please forgive the gross over-generalizations and the fact that I will be referring to America's citizens as "children" -- only in the sense that our elected officials have a duty to secure our environment in order for us to have the chance at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness ... and allow the natural and legal consequences of our choices to help us learn and make better choices and be better citizens.

It seems to me that the polarized political parties are like fighting parents.

• The Helicopter Parents won't allow their children to fail. And if not allowed to fail, there is no learning from mistakes.  There is no chance for necessity to become the mother of invention.  There is no learning to persevere and overcome adversity on the road to independence and later interdependence because of achievement.  There is, in its place, dependency and a growing sense of entitlement.  Sometimes there is a disregard for the rule of law and taking matters into their own hands. These parents not only feel the pain of their children, it becomes their own pain. They are susceptible to the "if you love me, you will..." line.  They are most often what we call Liberals, but there are Conservatives Helicopter Parents out there.
• The Drill Sergeant Parents are so focused on order and the rule of law that they attempt to control behavior -- even attempting to legislate morality -- so that the family image in the community is preserved and the "dirty laundry" reality is never acknowledged, much less cleaned up.  They may be successful in getting their kids to not break the rules, but the loopholes kill them ... and all too often the rebellion is simmering under the surface.  These parents often have compliant kids who check out from the family community in order to find community that accepts them as they are and allows them to assert their individuality.  Their children frequently accuse them of being "mean" and "you don't understand me".  They are most often what we call Conservatives, but there are Liberal Drill Sergeant Parents out there.
• There is another minor sub-type:  The Laissez Faire Parent -- the ones who think that children can raise themselves without any interference or guidance. Live and let live. They are found in both Liberals and Conservatives, although they look very different in each.  There are probably a good deal of them in the Libertarian camp.

Perhaps you need a moment to stop and take a deep breath -- breathing out what I am NOT meaning and setting aside your sense that this is all too condescending.  I already said it would be gross over-generalizations.  We're just looking at patterns here....

Okay, feeling better?  Great!

What we need is a coalition of recovering Helicopter, Drill Sergeant and Laissez Fair types who see the problems they foster and work together to become Consultant types.  I think that Oprah has some of the skills to be the Consultant -- and please follow the links in this post I wrote on Oprah's last show.  I think there is more deep thinking to be done, but she is a good starting place.  One of the things I appreciate about her is that she owns her mistakes -- when she sees or hears them.  The challenge of power is always staying open to versions of the truth that differ from you own.  Speaking the truth in love to powerful people is a difficult row to hoe....

So, what would The Consultant look like in Politics?  If would have to get to work within each and every branch of politics, first of all.  This is the only way to get out of the current gridlock.  There is truth in each position.  We have to find the truth in each story in order to find the way through the challenges ahead of us as these United States of America!

The "children" of America have to do a lot of growing up.  Seriously.  And our leaders need to help us mature toward healthy independence/interdependence instead of continuing to foster immaturity and dependence.

• Each person is loved by God -- regardless of their circumstances or choices.  They deserve our love and respect and compassion and clear thinking and logic in the midst of their story.
• There is no excuse for employing the language of hate and destruction and fear and power and coersion and greed and envy.  We have to choose the difficult task of learning to think deeply and then speak the truth -- the whole truth and nothing but the truth. "Spin" and "straw men" have to stop. The ends do not justify the means.  "What you win them with is what you win them to" is every bit as true here as it is in spreading the Good News of the Kingdom of God!
• There is no Free Lunch.  Somebody has to pay for it.  Remember not to kill the goose that lays the golden egg...and other pithy saying about teaching someone to fish, etc.
• Learn the difference between a need and a want.  Seriously.  I learned this during my two years in Northern Thailand ... when I learned that hot water was a want.  Even running water was a want.  I challenge you to sit down and make a list of true needs and put it up against the what you have.
• In order to ensure that our needs are met, we have to learn to live within our means.  Everyone, please get this. Budgets are challenging but they ARE necessary.  We need to learn how to say and hear "No, we can't affort that choice at this time."  Greed and envy come from confusing need and want.  They lead down a dark path.  Do not go there.  And acknowledge that debt is not our friend....
• Cheerful generosity is the rule of the New Covenant instituted by Jesus Christ.  There is no "tithe tax" any more (lots of churches don't realize that yet) because we are to give according to our blessings.  Yet, there is also no "coerced generosity" either -- we are to give as we feel led, not taxed because we have something that can be taxed.  The whole idea of what is "fair" really needs to be worked over something good. 

Well ... feast or famine, eh?  I am sorry for the length, but this just came pouring out of my fingers today. 

Be blessed, friends -- Papa is especially fond of you, and his cHesed is faithful.

Abi

Abi's 5th Year Blogging!

Well, on Friday, October 19, 2007, I put on the habit of the Virtual Abbess for the first time.  Hard to believe....

While the past year has not seen much activity in new posts, I have been amazed at the amount of traffic seen at the archives here.  With just under 300 posts total, I have around 500 or so page views each month and have had over 16,000 page views during these five years.

Who would have thought?

My mother arrived Wednesday and will be here a few more weeks.  I am treasuring this time, as she has not been here for over five years -- five very purple years for her youngest....

So, I hope to be back again soon.  But I did want to express my gratitude to my virtual friends here and to God for his love and grace and mercy to this wee broken down and purple abbess.

Be blessed!