Abi ponders Deb's book, Redeeming Sex

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Redeeming Sex, by the fabulous Debra Hirsch, is a book whose time has come. And it really is about time!

This book is one of those that everyone must read. Probably more than once. Then process it with someone else. Perhaps with one person, perhaps in a small group. Each of us have experienced books that cause us to shift. This is one of them. 

But be prepared for it to not be what you were expecting – whatever it is that you're expecting. Just let it be what it is and receive it as an unexpected gift.

Let me explain.

Bear with me while I explain, because it requires some back story.

I've recently been revisiting books by the late psychiatrist, M. Scott Peck. It never ceases to amaze me how profound they remain – and how differently they impact me each time I return. This winter my 19 year old son and I read through and processed Peck's first book, The Road Less Traveled. I filled a notebook with thoughts – the things I wanted to be sure to discuss with my son. He found it to be a very timely and profound experience and we had many hours of deep discussion.

Then I moved to a book Peck had written some ten years later, The Road Less Traveled and Beyond. I have said a number of times that the first chapter of this book alone is worth the price. It is about Thinking. He stated that he believed simplistic, disordered thinking was not only A problem, but THE problem in the world. I agreed when I first read it, and I agree even more now. Thinking is hard work. Those who are unwilling to embrace the work look for short cuts. Most short cuts end badly....

Peck said that even as a child he was prone to want to talk about things that no one wanted to talk about. That desire never left, for which I am sincerely grateful. His books have been full of things that everyone was thinking about but no one was talking about. He grew into a man who learned that life is difficult. In order to function well and overcome life's difficulties, he learned that discipline was the key. The career he chose required that one discipline he must hone into an art form was listening. And he found that most people responded more to being listened to than anything he might have to say to them. That's worth remembering....

Discipline was a tool belt consisting of four basic tools, said Peck. Each one of these tools is necessary to find one's way well in this challenging world of people and relationships and ideas. As I read through that first section on Discipline in Peck's first book, I was struck hard: I was not a disciplined person. I had some discipline. I knew how to work hard. I had a significant skill set. But I had a tendency to try to avoid some problems because of the emotional suffering that came with them. Peck said that this tendency is the primary basis for all human mental illness.

As I processed his “tools” I came to realize why my life has been so difficult. It was difficult because confronting and solving problems is painful. I don't like pain – things Peck identified as frustration, grief, sadness, loneliness, guilt, regret, anger, fear, anxiety, anguish and despair. I tend to want to avoid pain. But I stumbled over problems – and the pain they caused – that I was ill equipped to solve because I had not been consistent in the use of discipline's tools. How could that have happened? Somehow, I don't think I'm alone in this experience.

So, let's briefly identify these tools before I continue:

1. Delaying gratification. Doing what must be done, especially those things that are very hard and not particularly enjoyable, actually is the least painful (in the long run) and allows us to get on with those things we want to do – the things that bring us joy. Procrastination is the anthesis of delaying gratification.
2. Accepting responsibility. Having the courage to own our thoughts and actions – and the effect they have on other people and our relationships. Sometimes we try to accept responsibility for things that are not ours. Other times we project responsibility for our issues onto others. But if we don't learn how to consistently own our story, we move toward the disordered thinking that underpins mental illness.
3. Dedication to the truth. My son and I were surprised by Peck's definition of a “white lie” as being truthful about what is said, while leaving out enough details so as to actually deceive by the withholding of truth. I think this is where “speaking the truth in love” comes into play. We need to speak to each other in ways that promote the best interest of the other. When we include or exclude things that are hurtful rather than helpful, we stray. Self-deception is the enemy here.
4. Balancing (including bracketing). This is the discipline that disciplines discipline. This is where we check our preconceptions and biases. Where we set aside our first impressions in order to be able to listen fully to the other – to stand in their shoes and look out from their eyes. Where we look for context for the narrative, not just the facts. It is where cHesed enters as genuine affection, gracious response, and merciful initiative are extended toward the other.

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Well, after that long explanation of my context when I was reading Deb's book, I'm ready to share why I think her book is so important.

I think I'm not the only one who suffers with being inconsistently disciplined. I think it is a human problem. It is a problem with integrity – with the proper integration of spirituality and sexuality. And because humans have functioned within this particular disintegration for so very long, we have come to normalize it. We don't know we're blind because we think this is the way it is supposed to be.

Like Peck, Hirsch is someone who is comfortable talking about things most people aren't. She is like a fresh wind on a smoggy day. Deb has a way of taking normal things and hosing off the shame that has been applied to them. She sneaks past the watchful dragons of society – especially church society – and turns on the lights, chasing away specters of ignorance too long masquerading as truth.

Even though she doesn't use these terms, Deb has essentially asked us to pick up our tool belts and start using discipline's tools to help us learn to receive God's love, return God's love, and share God's love with one another. She is calling us to the tasks of discipleship as we live and walk in the Way of Jesus.

The tool that allows us to delay gratification has too often been misused – like using a wrench as a hammer. Even worse, when it comes to sexuality, it has too often been a matter of denying gratification. And this comes from not understanding the connection between spirituality and sexuality. Deb calls them two sides of the same coin. Perhaps I would say that sexuality and spirituality are like the wings of a bird – they have to work together if the bird is going to fly. Deb's words open the door of a cage that has kept so many birds cooped up for so long that they had forgotten they were ever meant to fly!

The tool that allows us to accept responsibility has been corroded with shame and guilt – bringing it out brings condemnation and dishonor from those who have forgotten that sanctification is a life-long journey of remembering that Jesus is our sanctification...we are accepted, we belong, because of what he did, not by what we have accomplished. Rather than always being ready to confess our sins one to another, we wear masks and hide behind pleasantries. Who are we trying to fool? Deb calls us to transparency and vulnerability so that forgiveness and restoration might arise.

The tool that allows us to be dedicated to the truth is too often blunted by ignorance. We are not really interested in what is true – just what is comfortable and consistent with what we already believe. Especially, what we have been told to believe by our leaders. We are discouraged from asking inconvenient questions and wrestling with our doubts and fears.

She asks us to stop telling white lies – to ourselves and to one another. Particularly, Deb asks us to stop lying about sin – that some sins are “worse” than others. That we call upon our courage and humility and take the plank out of our eye before we go after the speck in the eye of another. She calls us to stand in the sandals of Jesus and look at each other out of his eyes.

Finally, the tool that allows us to keep things in balance – to see things in the proper context – has been removed from many tool belts altogether! Preconceptions and biases and stereotypes combine with fears and outright misinformation to throw us off balance. All too often this is packaged as obedience, when it is more about power and control and order. Deb calls us to wade into the messiness and face our own fears about our own issues. Only then can we tackle our fears about others and allow the Spirit to show us how to love and accept them.

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Deb's transparency and vulnerability as she shares her story, and the stories of her family and friends, is almost as shocking as the details. And that's because she tells things just as they are – normal. She asks us to set aside what we might think “normal” is and stretch ourselves. Peck defines love as extending oneself for the spiritual growth of the self as well as the other. Hirsch provides fresh perspectives on many angles surrounding the issues of gender, sexual expression, marriage, celibacy – and what the church has thought about them through the centuries. Let's just say that not all of the church teachings have been consistent with the Scriptures, as seen through Hebraic lenses and the life and ministry of Jesus.

When I teach something that might be challenging or controversial, I ask those listening to not get derailed but set aside their disbelief long enough to listen deeply and understand what I'm actually saying. When they hear something that brings up questions, make a quick note of the thought or question – to discuss later, if needed. More often than not, the discipline of listening fully finds a way of answering those quickly scribbled questions. If not, at least it helps one ask the questions that remain with much more humility and openness.

I ask you to approach this thoughtful and humble and informative book with that same respect. Set aside what you think you know and let Deb take you deep inside her story. Let yourself feel what she shares so that empathy wells up in your heart, washes over your fears, and lets the perfect love of Jesus cast them out.

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Life is a wild ride. None of us get out of it alive. But it is meant to be filled with the most exquisite experiences of love and grace and mercy. This amazing book can help you get more of what God intends.

Be blessed,

Abi

Abi's New Year's Eve Reflections

A Facebook post by Sarah Bessey asked for a word or phrase to sum up the year.  What popped into my head was:  Preserved to Persevere.

These were the words whispered into my heart earlier this year when I pondered the reason for so many horrific injuries, accidents and trauma visited on me (any my family) over the past 20 years, with an emphasis on the past five.

I had been preserved.

In the face of so many times when I could have been lost -- or more severely injured -- Death had been turned away.  No.  It is not her time...not yet.

Why?

We rarely find an acceptable answer for the "Why?" question...I had learned that lesson over the years from my Patron Saint:  Job.  This year was so hard I found myself back there...wondering why.  And the Spirit answered.

I had been preserved.

You will have heard me say "privilege is always given for a purpose" many times. So I wondered what purpose there was in the continued privilege of walking on this side of Kingdom Life.

I had been preserved to persevere.

There is to be no giving up or giving in....

Interestingly, I finished the year reading an amazing book. Neurological issues have severely limited my ability to read these past five years, so I knew this was a gift.  I read "Unbroken" by Laura Hillenbrand.  I totally recommend this book. But this story had been told from another angle. Louis Zamperini had written his autobiography earlier.  He talked about two things:  never give up and never give in.

Louis Zamperini knew what it meant to be preserved to persevere.

My wee story is nothing compared with his. What a remarkable man. But I think, if we will have eyes that see, that each of us can see how we have been preserved to persevere. Whatever obstacles are thrown in our path, we find a way to not give up or give in. But is not not easy and it is done one step at a time. In the moment, we can't see a way forward...but somehow we take one more step....

One step at a time, I have arrived at the end of this year. Tomorrow will bring 2015...and I do not know what the journey will look like.

But I will put my hand in the hand of God, every day. And Father, Son and Spirit will be to me better than light and safer than a known way.  Seven New Year's Eves now since that post...and still so much darkness. But I will persevere. And, even though it is clear that I knew I was not alone seven years ago, I have such a deeper sense of God's presence...of my participation in The Great Dance.

I will persevere...one day at a time...with 2015 being a bit of a 12 Step dance, I think. ;^)

Be blessed!

Abi

Abi and the Already/Not Yet Paradox

One of the things that never ceases to amaze me is the way something deep and important is revealed to me by the Spirit, but it takes another 20 years for me to "get" it.  More than just that, the process of "getting it" usually involves coming to the point where I just don't believe it anymore.  It is as if what was first revealed was a taste of the truth...but the context of my reality was such that the full flavor of the truth was blocked. It was as if that intriguing taste compelled me to slowly begin to move away from those ideas and practices of my contextual reality that were out of sync with the truth.

I love and am consistently drawn to paradox.  Perhaps that's why I enjoy space/time paradox books and movies....

I have recently finished reading Wayne Jacobsen's new book, Finding Church. It describes exactly where I find myself these days. I have gone through the deconstruction and rubble-clearing stages and have begun looking for the pattern of healthy reconstruction. So, his book is a helpful bit of confirmation of what the Spirit has been on about these past eight years.  Just as all his earlier books have been important steps along the path of my journey.  I am so grateful to God for Wayne.

I just started reading Kathy Escobar's new book, Faith Shift.  I am looking forward to finding new ways to understand what I have been experiencing, looking through her eyes and trying on her words.  Stay tuned....

I know that Wayne's book is one that I will need to give to friends and family who just don't understand my current experience outside of institutional Christianity.  I have a feeling Kathy's book may need to join it.  I am grateful to God for this brother and sister, their lives, ministry, blogs and books. I was blessed to spend time with Wayne five years ago, and I'm looking forward with hope to meeting Kathy in a couple of months.  Stay tuned for that, too....

What this added up to this morning is the realization that I have come around...again!....to the power of the simple/complex concept of covenant keeping centered in the Hebrew concept of cHesed.

I know you're surprised.  Not.

There is a Covenant Formulary that Dr. Mont Smith made in his book What the Bible Says About Covenant.  [Note:  this book is out of print, but copies can be found through various internet sources.  I have a couple dozen of them myself for use in teaching situations. Someday I hope to reformat it for digital distribution.] It is the definition of what it means to faithfully keep covenant. The formulary goes like this:  In Christ + Like Christ = With Christ.

When I first learned this over 20 years ago, it was presented as a kind of two-sides-to-a-coin thing.  The In Christ side was the faith side and the Like Christ side was the works side.  The Faith plus the Works added up to the fullness of life With Christ.  And that fit with my thinking at that time.

But that was before the deconstruction began...and as my mindset broke apart, it could no longer hold that concept. What was I going to do now? 

I had to let it go...and trust that the Spirit would return it to me when the time was right.

Apparently, that was this morning!

Because in the meantime, the Spirit was immersing me in the spoken and written words of Dr. C. Baxter Kruger...hammering out the concept of perichoresis that has been floating around in my brain for quite some time.  And while that was happening, the other shoe dropped, as it were. I found that Perichoresis remained "out there" -- just beyond reach -- until it was connected with cHesed.

So, I have been processing Perichoretic cHesed through most of 2013 and 2014. Today the old formulary was transformed so that it is real again.  It looks like this:

• Perichoresis is that wonderful dance of mutual interpenetration without loss of distinct individuality, where the Father and Son are in one another through the power of the Spirit. It is into this Great Dance that we (all of the cosmos, actually) have been drawn by the finished work of Jesus, the Father's Eternal Son. It is this reality that is represented by the component of the formulary known as "In Christ".  Everything is now In Christ, who holds all things together. This is true whether we know it or not...whether we accept it or not. It is Reality.
• cHesed is the attitudes and actions of perichoresis.  It is the very steps of the dance. We learn them by dancing with Father, Son and Spirit.  Their attitudes toward each other and us are revealed as we partner with them, as they lead us in the dance, as we relax and follow their lead. These attitudes of cHesed are gracious loving-kindness toward one another and manifest in specific actions:  deliberate affection (love that submits), unmerited favor (grace that serves), and kindness mutually owed (mercy that leads). To follow Jesus' lead and dance the steps of gracious loving-kindness with him is to be "Like Christ".
• Perichoretic cHesed is the Great Dance in its fullness...the dance of covenant keeping. It is a covenant dance where everything depends on the very nature and character of God as Father, Son and Spirit.  They dance the covenant faithfully with each other -- submitting, serving and leading according to the best interest of the Other -- and have done so for Eternity...from before Creation. And by creating the Cosmos, they widened the scope of the dance so that we may join them. This is what it means to be "With Christ" -- to know the love, grace and mercy of Father, Son and Spirit intimately and to dance the steps of submission, service and leading in step with them.  When we are "With Christ", his faithful covenant keeping becomes ours. We cannot do it on our own, we do it with him.  It's a gift we share, not a skill we hone. It is not about us...it is all about Jesus Christ and his relationship with the Father in the Spirit...and our inclusion in that relationship.

The paradox remains...we have already been included In Christ. It is not our choice or reward, but the Eternal will of God which was completed through the birth, life, ministry, death, resurrection and ascension of the Incarnate One, the Father's Eternal Son, Jesus Christ.  But we do not yet experience it fully, because we can't get our brains around what it means to live Like Christ...we have a hard time relaxing and letting him lead us in the dance.

But as we learn to accept that we are fully included -- done deal -- In Christ, and relax into the arms of Jesus and let him lead us in the Dance -- Like Christ, we will finally have peace and rest -- With Christ. 

We will be Home.

Listen to Aslan as he calls the faithful into Narnia...to come further up, come further in.  [Time to read The Last Battle again. ;^)]

My journey seems to be one of climbing a spiral staircase.  As I go further up and further in, it seems like things I've recognized in lower rungs become clearer as I climb higher.  They are not new things I am seeing, but each time I come back around, I see things with better -- renewed -- vision.  The more that I am confident of my place In Christ, the more I begin to see and perceive Like Christ, the more I am at peace With Christ.

The Already/Not Yet Paradox.  It will remain until all things are made new.  But I don't have to wait until then to dwell in the Shalom of Perichoretic cHesed and participate in the Great Dance.

I am already a New Creation In Christ...I am participating in the Dance Like Christ...but I have not yet arrived at the top of the spiral staircase that is my Journey. The Spirit, however, is continually calling me to repentance for my poor theology, renewing my mind, and cleaning the mist off my glasses, so that I see more and more clearly.

It is an awesome view...one that I want to share with those God brings across my path.  It's a process of hope and courage.  Stay tuned!

With immense gratitude as we American's approach our Thanksgiving....

Be blessed!

Abi

Abi and Gossip....

I don't have lots of time to read blogs...and even less time to comment...but I do when the Spirit brings up something in me that bubbles out.  So, after reading an interview by Frank Viola with the author of a book called Resisting Gossip, this was my comment.  Go ahead and read the post first.   ;^)

Interesting. But I think there is much more to gossip than Matt’s definition: “bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.” 

I think that sharing someone’s good news behind their back can be gossip, whether out of a bad heart or not. Maybe the five different heart-level motivators he talks about would shed some light, but I think the root of this is not so much jealousy as it is brokenness and shame — the whispered evil of the “I am not…” lie that they have believed about themselves — that looks to feel better by focusing on the lives of others rather that let the love of Jesus heal their own broken heart. As C. Baxter Kruger says, we tend to have the lid to our own “garbage can” duct taped down, lest anyone see us for who we really are and reject us. What we need to see is that Jesus is already in there with us in our mess — and he’s brought his Father and the Holy Spirit with him. Our darkness is not dark to him…we have nothing to fear from our loving Triune God who has already dealt with sin in and through Jesus. We just don’t seem to be able to believe it…and so we cry, at best: “I believe. Help my unbelief!” At worst, we are overwhelmed with guilt and shame — unwilling to receive the adoption Jesus died to make real for us…struggling under the burden of the expanded lie that whispers: “I am not ___________, but I can be if I _________________.” So very sad…. 

I have become persuaded that a lot that passes for “prayer requests” in group meetings is actually a form of gossip. I link it to what I call a culture of voyeuristic pride — we make other people’s business our business because we want to be seen as “in the know”. I’m all for transparency, but we have to be self-disclosing in real relationships — not “spiritual journalists” looking for a “scoop.” I suggest to my children, and those in my sphere of influence, that we don’t want to have a conversation about someone that we’re not willing to have with them. Or that they have not specifically asked us to share on their behalf. I tell my children that we need to let people tell their own stories so that they can provide the proper context — and clarifying questions can be asked, if necessary. 

So, if we hear something about someone, we need to ask the person telling the story to please stop speculating behind their back and go directly to the source. Then we need to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to give us wisdom and discernment as to whether it is even appropriate to get involved. If we believe God is asking us to intervene, then we need to find a way to approach the person and gently share what we heard and ask for clarification — face to face. This usually requires a level of relationship that can bear speaking and hearing the truth in love, which is not all that common, unfortunately. 

Everything comes down to right relationships, doesn’t it? First, our relationship with Father, in Jesus, through the Holy Spirit … and then, out of the security of God’s love, with those around us. And nothing gets in the way of relationships like guilt and shame and condemnation and judgment. Lord, have mercy — give us eyes to see your Good News! 

Thanks for letting me ramble on. Glad to see some light shed on this shadowy area.
Be blessed….

 

Abi and The Open Table Conference

It has been almost seven years since I attended the Missional Orders conference at Seabeck, Washington -- out of which this blog was birthed!  To say that I have gone through enormous changes during these seven years would be the grossest of understatements.

What is interesting, though, it to see how much I "knew" -- even just a few months ago, even -- that seems, well, rather Greek in it's knowing about ... instead of Hebrew and it's knowing by experience. We never do stop growing in our understanding.  There is so much to be experienced on this journey in Jesus -- in ways that we have not experienced before.  I am learning, still, to relax....

I spent this past weekend in Oregon's central desert with an interesting and eclectic group of folks at The Open Table Conference.  This was my first conference since Seabeck ... and it was just as (if not more, actually) life changing.

I did not know what to expect.  I only knew that Papa was asking me to just go.  I'm not sure exactly what my expectations were, but I tried to lean into the living verb and wait in expectancy for what Grandmother had waiting for me.

One of the things I learned at Seabeck, which was sponsored by Alan Roxburg's Allelon, was the importance of listening to one another.  (Allelon is Greek for "one another".)  They had a saying that remains so meaningful to me:  "Listening one another into free speech."

I don't know about you, but sometimes this very extroverted Abbess doesn't really know what she thinks about something until she is able to talk out loud.  This requires someone to listen.  And we humans tend to be less than stellar listeners.  Sigh....

One of the things I received this past weekend was the opportunity to listen and be listened to.

First thing Saturday morning, I was talking with Marilyn and Gordon ... and the next thing I knew, I was telling them things most would not be comfortable hearing.  Especially as related to my string of horrible injuries leading up the the last one four years ago.  The one I affectionately call The Fall...

Marilyn's ears perked up and she said:  "You haven't had just a concussion.  You have a TBI."  She and Gordon began to ask about problems that I was having without my saying anything.  Wow...it is truly rare to talk with someone who knows what I'm dealing with.  Their son fell from a horse 17 years ago, and they have been walking this harrowing journey with him.  Their encouragement alone made the trip worthwhile....

The worst part of most of my injuries has been that they are not necessarily visible -- or not for long.  But the cumulative effect of these injuries over the past 13 years has been fairly overwhelming ... because folks have a hard time understanding that the process of healing can be very slow.  I am in year four of this particular mid-brain TBI ... and have realized that I had suffered seven head injuries in my life -- at least two of which would also be considered mild TBIs.  It sometimes takes 10 years for even a mild TBI to resolve.  If you know someone suffering this way, be gentle with them....

Under the wonderful care of my homeopath and my chiropractic neurologist, I have truly made remarkable progress.  But I have come to a kind of crossroad of my own:  my level of stress has been so high that my brain is unable to heal...and it actually being damaged by the over-stimulation that comes from being in a fairly constant mode of Fight or Flight.  The reasons are many and I'll not burden you with them...but I did have to do something to bring the stress down.

Into this place of chaos, Papa brought Baxter Kruger and his series called "In".  I have already shared about his amazing book, The Shack Revisited.  Now he has released his Study Guide.  I can't wait to work through it!

Anyway, please download his "In" series -- I don't know how long it will remain up on his website -- I have been listening to it since the end of February.  Sometimes daily.  Do this while you're waiting for your copy of the book to be delivered (unless, like me, you got the Kindle version)....

Building on the important work of Wayne Jacobsen, Paul's and Baxter's work have helped Sarayu make another significant shift in my journey.  What I so appreciate about all three of these men is that they are humble and hold their knowledge and experience gently.  They want to encourage you in your journey with Father, Son and Spirit -- they don't want to be your leader.

Baxter, in person and in his writings, is my kind of folk:  say it simple with as little religious jargon as possible.  Having listened to him for so long, I can "hear" him in his books.  Love that....  I am so very grateful for you, Brother Baxter!

Anyway ... I am processing so much right now that I am a bit in overload -- and my brain is complaining!  But I did want to post this update and let you know how grateful I am for the faithful cHesed of the blessed Trinity.

More later....

...oh, yeah -- my eldest son graduates from high school this Friday, so it's a little busy around here.

Be blessed!

Abi and Paul Young's Cross Roads....

Well, Thanksgiving was busy around here -- North and South houses have reunited and we are all crammed back into the South House.  It is taking some getting used to ... not having a North House any longer....

Reading is still something that takes me so much longer than before ... sigh!  While I am still reading Baxter Kruger's book (and I agree that if you liked The Shack, this is an important book for you to read.  I may not have to write any more on my perichoresis stuff...or it may just help me fine tune my thoughts), I finished Paul Young's new book today.

Have you heard of this book yet?  I must say that it is important to let this new book be what it is ... and it is not The Shack, part 2.  It has some important things to say, and says them in some very interesting ways ... but I don't know if lightening will strike twice.  We'll see how it sells, eh?  Haven't had time to look at anyone else's thoughts about it yet....

Perhaps I am in such a different place ... and have traveled so many of my own Cross Roads since visiting The Shack ... that it just wasn't as much of a shock to my soul?  I am still ruminating, so I won't go on right at the moment.

* * * * * * *

I am hoping to do something fun for Advent this year ... we will see!  This will be our last Advent with our firstborn ... this is a year full of "lasts", as he will be graduating from high school in June and going off to college at the end of next summer.  He is in the throes of college applications and essay writing at this very moment....

* * * * * * *

Clutter ... my house and brain are full of extra stuff, and I am in need of some serious simplicity around here. I will work through that I can each day.  I will be back to process some of what Papa, Sarayu, Jesus and I have been up to ... when it is the right time and when the words begin to flow out of my fingers.

I am still hoping to finish my Tweetinar on cHesed that was going so well in early summer.  And then I will begin to put some of that good condensed work here for you to process.

I find that I have changed quite a lot in these past five years ... some of the things I have blogged about seem like a lifetime ago.  I am sure that there will be much more of that to come.  If I am beginning to get any kind of inkling about The Truth, it will turn me on my head ... again!  But it will also cause me to get out my dancing shoes.  Yes, those purple ones!  ;^)

Wondering whether I am turning into an introvert ... or just so exhausted by living life that I haven't got energy to talk or blog or even Tweet about it?

Well, I have meandered far enough.  Be blessed, friends, wherever your journey takes you today.

Abi-ezer

Abi and Original Sin....

Back in October I shared some of the reading and pondering I was doing -- especially from Peck and Jacobsen.  I have been reading through thoroughly cleaned cHesed Glasses....

Peck, you may remember, postulated that he believed "original sin" was the human tendency toward taking the easy way rather that the right way.  He called that laziness.  I think there is a great deal of merit in serious pondering of the meaning and implications along those lines.  I have benefited from such pondering....

Jacobsen talks about the Fall being a result of the human tendency toward independence -- rejecting God's place as Creator and guide -- in order to be able to judge what is good or evil for themselves.  Wayne's walk through the Bible in his project called The Jesus Lens expands on this idea.  I recently finished listening to all three parts (over eight hours worth) at his website.  It is a worthwhile endeavor -- each segment is around 20 minutes long.  [You can listen, watch video, follow along with PowerPoint here for free, or you can order the entire series on DVD.]

* * * * * * *

Now, I have known for a very long time that I am something of a synthesizer.  I take in lots of information from what seems to be very different spheres and find connections and patterns in them.  I think my recent pondering has resulted in another synthesis ... of Peck and Jacobsen and Abi (and all that means).

Original Sin as laziness/independence are two sides of the same, er, coin.  They both are ways to circumvent the work of relationship -- the extending of oneself for the best interest of the other.  Let's take a closer look:

Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden were given freedom to eat anything -- except the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  In their Innocence they walked with God and trusted in his provision for them.  All was well ... for a while. 

We don't know what interpersonal challenges may have been developing between Adam and Eve ... but we know that they were together when the Serpent challenged Eve's understanding of the edict.  We know that Adam didn't move to support Eve or defend her from this attack.  Maybe he was waiting to see if she dropped dead when she bit into the fruit ... we do not know.  We can infer that there was some kind of struggle between them in the relationship ... and perhaps it revolved around a desire to be independent from each other a little?  We don't know that, either.

Notice how little we know.  This should be a clue for us:  there is so much more to God's story than we can know or understand -- we just are not ABLE to understand it all.  But that's okay ... if we are willing to trust that God knows it all and will make sure that everything turns out okay in the end.  That does not mean that we will get what we want or that we will be healthy, wealthy or wise ... it just means that God's purposes in Creation will be realized.  Trusting God is always the right thing to do.  But, um, it is not especially easy because we do not want to depend on God.  We want to be independent -- to do our own thing.

This is where the laziness comes in.

It seems that it is easier to do our own thing that to wait for God.  He is SOOOO SLOW!  Have you noticed?  Impatience is a form of laziness ... and this is why children are so good at being impatient:  they have no sense of past or future -- only NOW!  Waiting is the most horrible awful thing to ask my kids to do.

But it gets worse!  Not only do we have to wait for God ... we have to cooperate with other people! 

Adam was there first -- he got to pick out all the animal names by himself.  Easy peasey!  But once Eve arrived on the scene, there was another opinion -- which required a "discussion."  UGH!  Then there is the listening and thinking and honoring and considering ... it is so much easier just to do what I want to do, isn't it?  Really?

So, we get power struggles and other "irritations" that erode relationships.  And all of a sudden we are not particularly looking out for the other's best interest.  We're looking out for our self -- independently.

* * * * * * *

Yeah ... I think lazy independence looks like a pretty good take on the core human issue.  We want what we want -- as easy as possible.  The sad irony is that it is always more work to do it our way, in the end.  It is always easier to do it right the first time than to fix it....

Which leads me to the other "shock" statement Wayne Jacobsen makes:  humans are just not smart enough to know what is best.  Pondering that has totally transformed the way I approach prayer.  But that is another topic for another post at another time.  Be patient!  ;^)

There is a reason that one of the big recurring themes in the Scriptures is the concept of already/not yet.  There are things that God is doing ... some that we can already see and know and experience.  But there are many more that are not yet fully revealed.  The fullness of time, as it were, has not yet come.

Relax.  Take a deep breath.  God does, in fact, know what They are doing.  Watch and wait ... you never know when they're going to be ready to do something amazing ... and if you're waiting and watching patiently, you will get to be in on the deal.  How sweet is that?

Ponder that yourself ... how does independence trip you up?  How does relational laziness, particularly, interfere with your ability to trust God with your life ... or that of your spouse ... or your kids ... or your parents ... or your extended family ... or the Kingdom where Jesus Christ is Lord and King? 

What do you think?

Be blessed....

Abi and "The Church"

Well, as seems to be consistently the case, I know it is time to read something when I actually am able to read it.  That happened this week as I finally read So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore, by Jake Colesen.

Friends of Abi will remember that I have been processing the impact of a weekend Wayne Jacobsen spent with our Short Yellow Bus missional group over two years ago.  As a result of that event, I first read Wayne's He Loves Me, which was a good reinforcement for what I heard in person.  I have since read it maybe three times.  It takes a very long time to make new maps of territory you have lived with for your whole life....

It took be a little longer to read his Authentic Relationships, because I had spent so much energy on authentic EVERYTHING over the past 12 years. But I found there were ideas that had changed in subtle ways, along with so many other things this Virtual Abbess has pondered the past four years.

Before I went on my "stimulus fast" for my tired brain, I was listening to Wayne's Transitions podcasts.  More reinforcement for what I had read and heard.

So why did it take so long to get around to reading the Jake Colesen story?  I am trusting Father, as I strive to live more in Kairos time, that it was finally the right time.

It certainly was.

Jake story covers about four years ... hmmm, it will be four years since I started blogging next week.  It is a story that speaks to so much of my story, it is quite uncanny.  But the best part -- and the reason I think it was finally time -- was realizing that I am finally moving into that reconstruction stage.  Where living loved is getting closer to life than thought.  Where living free is on the rise ... and living full is on the horizon, over the next hill.

Similarities:

• Jake moved from one career to his dream of paid pastoral ministry -- only to find that there are lots of things that are just not right in the way the church-as-institution plays out.  My move from organizational management -- and my long-time sense that church-as-business was not always very holy -- brought up some interesting, um, challenges as my dream of pastoral ministry came true.  I handled some better than others...and, with Dickens, I would realize that -- "It was the best of times; it was the worse of times."
• Jake tried to incorporate some of the new things he was learning ... with some fairly disastrous results.  Can you can "misunderstood assumptions"?
• Jake was devastated by the poor way "crises" were handled by the leadership ... and lived many years with lots of people have a totally wrong ideas of why he left -- and why he wasn't even going to church somewhere else.
• It seemed to get worse before it got better ... with lots of "huh" times, trying to figure out what Father was up to.
• It usually comes down to people not knowing what Jesus is really like.  They've heard lots about him, but it wasn't translating into a dynamic, living, relationship.  The culture of institution falls far short of the experience of journeying with Jesus -- and those who cross your path.

In the end it came down to realizing that the Church -- the Bride of Christ -- is a reality to be lived rather than a place to go with programs to implement and expectations and responsibilities met.

* * * * * * *

Freedom ... lots of talk about it these days.  So I was interested to run across a pamphlet (sorting and consolidating books) I've had for some 30 years, by my ministry mentor.  And his thoughts about freedom (that it is so often sacrificed for security -- not just in society, but in the Church) took me to some other thoughts I had been sharing here and at Jesus Creed about M. Scott Peck's ideas about laziness....

I have been wondering if it is time to read that section of The Road Less Traveled again.  I think it might be. Then I will have more to say....

In the meantime I am learning to lean into Father's love for me ... to embrace the challenge to live free from condemnation and false security ... so that I may live full -- of life in the Spirit.  As I experience life in the Church, I am content to let Father take care of the on which journey others are traveling.  Father knows where each of us are and meets us there.  Whew ... I don't have to be the church police any more!

Be blessed on your journey.

Abi

Abi ponders Peck, Post #4

Okay ... I finished the book last night.  And got my copies of Peck's People of the Lie in the mail and started the the first few chapters.  It all came flooding back.  The hard work of looking at the truth that we would go to amazing lengths not to see is very difficult.  So much so that an increasing number of people are choosing to take the easy way out.  Laziness rears its ugly head....

I am not going to discuss this book here.  The topic requires much more respect and discernment from those who have read the book in its entirety.  There is much to be misunderstood and I believe that there is no easy way to understand what Peck has labored to share.  You must read it for yourself.  But if you have read it, I will be happy to discuss it with you....you may leave your contact information in the comments here.

I have to say that both of these books are important reads.  For two main reasons:

1. Peck is looking to be the bridge between religion and science ... from the science side as a gifted thinker and physician, and from the religion side as a mystic and seeker who got all the way through the seeking to the finding.  And he did, in fact, find Jesus.  His embrace of Jesus as Messiah was complete.  Now, there will be those who will not agree with some of his theology.  Go and do your own searching before you turn away.  Tolkien's call to "suspend disbelief" in order to understand fully comes to mind here.  The unfortunate rift that was torn in the whole cloth of Truth, in order to take the "mystery" out of science is in need of restoration -- the divorce of the natural from the supernatural -- and Peck was ahead of his time on that front.  I find his books to include more than a pinch of the much needed salt of humility.  He was, indeed, a Cracked Eikon ... and we would do well to heed his example of looking at the Truth head on so that we may learn from our myriad mistakes.
2. What passes for "calling out evil" these days seems quite pathetic to me.  This is probably where I will do the most pondering in subsequent posts -- most likely because it is really a byproduct of sloppy thinking and deficient discernment concerning ethics and morality.  Too often we call "immoral" that which is not aligned with what we think or desire ... and "ethics" is becoming a form of Political Correctness.  If we are to return these important disciplines to their rightful place, we are going to have to spend time thinking deeply on root issues, not sidetracked by circumstances and emotions and talking points.

 There is much evil running rampant all around us.  Until we are willing to look in the mirror and deal with our own evil -- our own laziness -- our own unwillingness to exert ourselves for the best interest of the other ... we will continue to be blinded by the plank in our own eye and so unable to help the other with the speck that is troubling them.

One of the things Peck says is that human evil is basically concerned with taking the wide path, as it were.  When confronted with difficulties (whether relationally or economically or physically or spiritually or intellectually), the choice always exists:  (a) do I take the narrow path of love and discipline -- of my heart and soul and mind and strength -- wherever it leads and do what is right ... or (b) to take the wide path, the easy way, where my problem are not really MY problems that I must wrestle with and allow the Holy Spirit to both convict and instruct and heal -- but someone else's problems that relieve me of responsibility for my actions, or inaction.

Take a minute to read Matthew 7 ... the whole chapter.  If you have time, read the entire Sermon on the Mount.  Make this a regular practice, reading the Sermon on the Mount.  Read it in a different version every day.

In the end Peck says that we cannot deal with human evil "out there" until we deal with the evil in our own hearts ... where we allow the Holy Spirit access to the shadows in order to shine the Light of Truth and dispel the lies than ensnare us.  Only then can we look unblinking at our own laziness and ask for Jesus to disciple us.  To teach us.  To work the hardest of work in our own hearts.

This is another aspect of The Purple Martyrdom ... this work within.

The reason that there are so many monastic traditions that have these three chapters as the foundation of their rule is that they have an understanding of this important personal work that must be embraced and walked every day of their lives.  Every day.  There is no end to this discipleship ... until until we are fully conformed to the image of Jesus. When we are released from this body of death and are clothed in the imperishable, that work will be complete.

Embrace it ... there are those who will journey with you on that narrow path.  There will, no doubt, be many more "Peck Posts" ... stay tuned.  And better yet ... get the book for yourself and follow along!

Be blessed.

Abi ponders M. Scott Peck, MD -- Post #3

Well, one of the interesting things about chronic exhaustion and neurological challenges that I have observed over the past decade is that when I am "supposed" to do something, I mysteriously find the strength to do it.  Totally a God thing, that.  And so yesterday, as I ordered 2 copies of Peck's People of the Lie, I ran across his last book, which was published in 2005, the year he died ... and that was the book I got for my Kindle yesterday -- and read the first half of last night.  I'll be posting about that soon.

In the meantime I have been pondering lots ... and decided to refresh myself as to the particulars about Dr. Peck.

His official website is not very comprehensive.  It is, however, a good place to start, with the following things:

• The Biography link  is a quick look at his life
• The Publication link
• His Archives are located at Fuller Theological Seminary

On the page of his website called "Conversations", I found this (added emphasis mine):

On Psychiatric Illness "Starting with the Road Less Traveled, perhaps the most radical thing that I said in that book that deviated from traditional psychiatry is that I located the source of psychiatric ills in the conscious mind, rather than the unconscious. And that the previous view, the Freudian sort of view, had been that the unconscious was filled with all these bad feelings, and angry thoughts, sexy thoughts, and whatnot. And that was where psychiatric, psychological illness originated. When in fact, the real question is why those things, which were obvious, were in the unconscious, rather than the conscious mind. The answer was that it was a conscious mind that didn’t want to face certain truths, and pushed this stuff into the unconscious. But the problem is with a rejecting consciousness in which we simply don’t like to think about things….Over the years I came to believe, and again I’m leaving out the biological aspects, but that psychological disorders are all disorders of thinking. So narcissists, for instance, cannot or will not think of other people…. What we used to call passive-dependent people don’t think for themselves. Obsessive-compulsives tend to have great difficulty thinking in the big picture. And I would say that if you have a patient or a client who has some real difficulty, psychological difficulty, look for the problem in their thinking. There is some area where they are not thinking correctly. "

The article on Peck at Wikipedia has a great deal of good information.  And, as with everything (and I really do mean everything), there will be those who are determined to throw the baby out with the bathwater.  By this I mean that M. Scott Peck was a human.  He was far from perfect.  He was better at understanding and correcting the problems of other people than he was his own.  (Anyone who does not find this to be true of themselves has a problem with self-deception, IMO.)

I find it particularly sad that Dr. Peck, after 43 years of marriage, was surprised to find that his wife had had enough. (She left around January, 2004.)  He was not particularly easy to live with and she came to end of her coping mechanisms.  I wonder, as did he, whether his growing, but not yet "diagnosed" pancreatic and liver duct cancer, and Parkinson's disease, contributed to the demise of their marriage.  I would be willing to bet they did.  No doubt, his last months with his second wife (he and Kathy married sometime in late 2004 and he died on September 25, 2005) were yet another kind of Severe Mercy....

I am grateful for the wisdom God shared with us through this particular cracked Eikon (HT:  Scot McKnight).  Peck knew that he did not know it all.  And he also knew the sometimes terrible price the family of a doctor/prophet/writer pays for the brilliance he exhibited.  There but for the grace of God....

I will be throwing no stones ... but I will be looking to think more clearly.  And for that, I have Dr. Peck to thank.  He has done for psychiatry (in my eyes), what homeopathy did for "modern medicine" -- taken it beyond flat earth thinking.  The mind-body-spirit reality that is humanity parallels the Triune God in that they are all one yet continually interpenetrate each other as they form that one-ness.  When you focus on mind without taking body and spirit into consideration, you will not have the full picture.  Just as if you focus on God the Father without taking Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit into consideration, you won't have the full picture, either. 

The Father, Son and Spirit are ONE -- they cannot be separated and still be perceived properly.  Mind, body and spirit are ONE -- they cannot be separated and still be perceived properly.  And pondering the mysteries involved there needs massive amounts of clear thinking!

I will wait patiently as Father shows me more of his cHesed (which Peck understood -- you can tell by his definition of love -- I wonder if it was part of being partially Jewish?) ... and am confident that I will continue to learn what it means to do the hard work of thinking clearly ... of turning away from the laziness that seeks to skirt the pain and suffering necessary to grow up into the image of Christ Jesus.

Okay ... neurological wiring beginning to overload....

Be blessed, friends.

Abi thinks she might do a series on Peck, Laziness and Thinking....

So, I've really been thinking about that last post ... I mean, I'm waking up thinking about it, even!  And even before I've been able to go back and read the Grace section in Peck's book, I'm pondering the implications of this idea about laziness being the manifestation of Original Sin....and thinking I may have to buy another copy of The People of the Lie (since it was never returned from the last time I loaned it out...maybe I'll buy two -- DONE!).  Peck's work in that book is very important ... and I could see the foundation of that book in Peck's statement about the patients he had the most trouble helping (he was a psychiatrist) were those who were not willing to do the hard work to get well.  That laziness, taken to an extreme, turns evil.  It is not an easy read, but I think it is an important one -- especially for our times.

And then I've been thinking about the opening section on Thinking in Peck's sequel, The Road Less Travelled and Beyond, which is worth the price of the book alone.  The first section of the book is called "Crusade Against Simplism" -- which he summarizes thus: "...I decry the primitive and effortless simplistic thinking that lies at the root of so much individual and societal sickness."

The last two sentences of the opening paragraph on Thinking nails it:  "One of the major dilemmas we face both as individuals and as a society is simplistic thinking--or the failure to think at all.  It isn't just a problem, it is the problem."  BINGO!

Dr. Peck went on to say that only twice during his very long career as a lecturer did he give a 1 day seminar on Thinking.  "At the beginning of each (seminar), I pointed out that most people already think they know how to think.  At the conclusion of each, during a feedback session, someone said in sheer exasperation, "The subject is simply too large."  "...most of the participants were so overwhelmed by all that is really involved in thinking that they were either numbed or horrified."  It was no understatement when he continued with:  "Needless to say, these were not among my more popular engagements."   Yeah, no kidding!

I tend to believe that people are much more willing to "talk", whether in person or in virtual venues, than they are to do the hard work involved to think clearly.  They suggest that they are telling you what they think, but I think that they do not really know what they think about anything because they are really too busy telling about what they "feel" or "believe" or "observe" or "read" or "heard", which is usually something else altogether than clear thinking on their part.

Blessings to you ... and may you open your minds to thinking well--it is part of what it means to love God!

Abi is pondering re-reading M. Scott Peck's books....

Update 8/7/11 -- I have, indeed, decided to do some more thinking and blogging about Peck, so stay tuned!

Unfortunately, my brain is a little fragile right now, so reading is pretty much out and light and sound are stressful, so that means REST without any of the things I usually do to relax.  But I am grateful for the field of chiropractic neurology, which is able to help me rehabilitate my brain naturally ... and for getting enough sleep!

Anyway ... in the meantime I have been reorganizing my library / living room area to accommodate the arrival of a three-piece entertainment / storage unit.  And while I was organizing this morning, I ran across Peck's book, The Road Less Travelled -- which I first read over 25 years ago.

Apparently I brought my father's copy home with me (he was at the stage when he was getting rid of books -- even before the Parkinson's diagnosis, he knew he just wasn't able to process information like he had, so reading was just not something that absorbed much of his time), because I like to have a "loaner" copy of books that are important to me.  Anyway, I must have read it again, because I wrote the following note on the inside cover pages on 7/18/06 -- apparently triggered by something I read on page 263 -- in the midst of the amazing section called Grace.  I have largely left it the way it was (with occasional elaboration to bring it current with my thinking today) ... it is not polished writing!   ;^)

The cHesed of God manifests itself in every possible place in order to interact with us to faithfully bring us the love, grace and mercy we need to grow up into the image of Jesus Christ.  It will begin from the "Imago Dei" placed in us at creation and be added to by those in our path who love and nurture us.  It will come to us through the presence of God that holds the universe together through the continual act of being perceived by Jesus -- manifest by the collective unconscious.  When we are able to acknowledge this source and understand and accept God's outrageous offer of covenant adoption, the Holy Spirit is given the invitation to indwell our hearts.  It is then that the link between the wisdom of God that is found in the collective unconscious can (if we will be still and listen) engage with our conscious will to know and be known, seeking the Truth at all costs, always looking to know and align our will with God's will.

The peril, though, comes to us in that the evil one will try to use this same interface (the original hacker) trying to corrupt us with "pirate viruses"!  God's Word is our firewall (current updated thought:  I challenge you to reconsider the thought that this is talking about scripture and, instead, refers to Jesus Christ.  HT:  Wayne Jacobsen).  We must know Jesus as The Truth for our spiritual firewall to be effective!  Firewall software follows rules -- instructions for what to allow through and what to keep out.  [I would add today that God's Love for Eikons is our factory-installed Operating System ... which many have allowed to be replaced with a variety of much less effective OSs.]

The first rule we must set is the one of knowledge.  We must know and acknowledge that we can never know it all -- only God knows all.  So we must be humble and submit all we think and do to the Holy Spirit -- so Sophia can help us see what is good (leading toward holiness / cHesed/community) and that which is evil (leading toward sin / covenant breaking / narcissism:  essentially Peck sees it as laziness, as it is described here.   Key:  It is not what we perceive, but rather what God perceives, that is Truth.  We need to know The Truth -- Jesus, the Sword of the Spirit and our main Offense.  This speaks to the foundation truth that it is all about relationship with Father, Son & Holy Spirit.

The second rule we must set is cHesed.  If we will allow cHesed to be the contextual filter (glasses!) of all we think and do, God's ability to guide us will be greatly enhanced.  (I linked to my distillation of cHesed rather than list it here.)  This speaks to proper attitudes of love, grace and mercy as well as proper actions of submission, service and initiative within all relationships.

The third rule is humble accountability (mutuality in equality) -- to God and others -- for making right choices and accepting responsibility for those choices.  Right choices take effort and foster growth and maturity.  Poor choices tend to stem from laziness and inhibit growth through dependence or independence instead of interdependence in our relationships.  Poor choices bring the opportunity to repent and confess and seek forgiveness and restoration of relationship.

I was struck by Peck's chapter on Entropy and Original Sin, where he defines laziness as "attempting to avoid necessary suffering, or taking the easy way out."  Then Peck identifies laziness as "the force of entropy as it manifests itself in the lives of all of us."  (p. 271) In between these two statements, Peck observes that love is the willingness to extend one's self (to work and be disciplined) -- for personal growth or for the benefit of others.  It takes effort -- energy.  It underscores Peck's famous beginning phrase of this book:  "Life is difficult."

"...non-love is the unwillingness to extend one's self.  Laziness is love's opposite."

As always ... Abi live in a guilt- and shame-free zone ... but pondering is always lovingly encouraged. ;^)

I believe I will have to start with the Grace section ... when my eyes are better.

Be blessed.

The Abbess and the Prodigal Prophet....

Back on May 15, 2010, I ran across an interesting post by Dylan Morrison, whose

...story is a cross between ‘The Wizard of Oz’ and  ’The Pilgrim’s Progress’ – a roller-coaster journey through a maze of religious belief. I’ve been a zealous Evangelical, Charismatic Christian, a disillusioned agnostic, a burnt-out school teacher, psychology devotee and more recently the receiver of two profound spiritual experiences. I feel a deep empathy with all those who’ve been damaged by religion of all varieties, especially those led by charismatic gurus whether Christian, Islamic or Eastern. I believe that when all the irrelevant bath water is thrown out, a deeply precious and profound ‘baby’ is left.

which led me to a PDF version of his autobiography.  I read his story with a sad sense of "been there, done that" ... and many of you who know of my interest in spiritual abuse will find his blog and book both familiar and yet fresh.

I have found the posts on his blog thought provoking and appreciate the opportunity to ponder things some might consider, well, AbiNormal.... ;^).  This wee purple abbess certainly resonated with a book described as "A story of hope for those in pain."

After almost a year now, after final tweaking was finished, Dylan's book has been published.  Hurray!  Congratulations to Dylan on making his book wildly available to all budgets and styles:  in ebook format (and the array of ebook formats supported is awesome), and at Amazon in paperback (do read the reviews at Amazon.com) and Kindle.  Well done, indeed!


For those of you who enjoy the wonderful artistry of The Naked Pastor, you will be interested to know that the cover for the book is the work of Canadian artist David Hayward, whom Dylan regards a true soul brother.

Just as I say so very often:  everyone has a story that is worth hearing.  Some struggle with the telling of their story.  I am grateful that Dylan chose to share his story, told so very well, with the rest of us on this journey.

Be blessed.

Abi

Three years later, Abi is still blogging ... kind of

I am hoping that I will return to regular blogging soon.  However, I didn't want the day to pass without saying what a terrific experience blogging has been for me these past three years ... and will continue to be, I hope.
 
Mostly, I have continued dwelling deeply in the blending of the Mosaic Bible and the Celtic Daily Prayer ... facilitated by the memory card in my LG cell phone, onto which I have saved the mp3 versions I purchased of Peterson's "The Message" and Northumbria's sung version of their "Daily Office" (which also includes the spoken version)... along with Tyndale's Bible Alive NLT (although I am not much of a fan of Stephen Johnston.)

Sometimes my youngest climbs it bed with me to sing the Morning Prayer ... if I start before 7am and he is awake.  MidDay  and Evening Prayer are more challenging, but I am going along at a slow but steady pace in this new discilpine.  It has become especially precious to me to go to sleep with the thoughts of Compline floating around in my heart ... and I find that I fall sleep more quickly and rest more refreshingly.  I am grateful for both results.

I have also been listening frequently to The Message's Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) ... and am being slowly changed by a focus on these foundational words of Jesus.  I'll have more to say about that one of these days.

I just this week read an amazing little book -- the first in a 3-part fiction series -- called "The Hawk and the Dove" -- about the very purple abbot at a Benedictine abbey in the 1300s.  I am not done processing the surprising and profound resonance I experienced and am feeling very much in common with Father Peregrine.  I have ordered the entire 3-in-1 book set, as well as another book from the author, Penelope Wilcock.  I hope I get some other stuff done before they arrive.... ;^)

I have joined a local Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) for the first offering of a new study on Isaiah.  While I am not crazy about all their hermeneutics and structure, I am happy to be studying Isaiah in this kind of depth ... as well as encouraging my Mother-In-Law as she returns to BSF after not having one nearby for years.  My hopes, other than a better familiarity with Isaiah, are that Papa will use this time to help me become a better listener and to be more restrained in what I say and how much I say.  This is a very important discipline for me....and I think that Papa may be bringing me a new friend in my discussion group.

Mostly, I find that I am being asked to move away from reading and talking (even blogging!) about what it means to follow Jesus -- and get on with the business of living it.  As always, I am grateful for your company on this journey.

Be blessed!

The Virtual Abbess and the iMonk –Part II

Part I, which I didn’t know was going to be the beginning of a series, was posted shortly after Michael Spencer, the one and only iMonk, passed from this life. He has always been someone I appreciated, but I followed his journey with cancer especially close, since he also left this life too early and very quickly – as did my sister-in-law last year. Her first grandson was just born last Tuesday … and that just isn’t right, you know?

I had been considering reading his book and just hadn’t put it on my list … until a couple of weeks ago. And so I just recently finished reading Michael Spencer’s one and only book, Mere Churchianity: Finding Your Way Back to Jesus-Shaped Spirituality. It was just the right thing at just the right time … truly a kairos time moment with Papa.

The front and back covers of my copy of this book have notations from 37 pages throughout the very important little book. Notations that I wanted to be sure I could find again. But the one for page 184 is the reason for this post today.

Near the end of the chapter 15, The Good and Bad of Being Alone, Michael says:

Jesus is the Model for faithfully following God no matter what the group advocates, teaches, legislates, or demands. He was the most distinctive individual of all time, and he possesses the power to make us both like himself and fully, completely ourselves. In Jesus is the power of holy solitude and Jesus-shaped community…. (pp. 183-184)

When I read those words, something clicked in my brain. I wrote this in the space following that paragraph:

Hmmm … our first community is to be with Father, Son and Holy Spirit – Perichoretic Community.

Contrary to some of what I had heard, the iMonk is not advocating an inappropriately individualistic version of Christianity. He is suggesting that our primary community is to be Perichoretic – intertwined with the Eternal Community. Until we can be one with Them, we will not ever be fully ourselves. And until we can be fully ourselves, we will not be able to fully give ourselves to others.

... I'm pondering this well ... and there is a good reason why perichoretic is purple.... But we'll get to that as we go along.  ;^)

* * * * * * *

I have been waiting for a very long time to write about perichoresis … but I have been waiting for the right time. And it seems that the right time has finally come. Thank you, Michael, for handing that final Jesus-shaped piece to me … I am so very grateful.

So … I will be looking over some of the things I have scribbled in journals about perichoresis over the past four years and seeing how they look with this piece in place. I have a feeling that it will be much simpler and more straight-forward. I was waiting until the complexity resolved … and, as always, the time has been important for me – so that I was ready to receive this piece at this place in my journey.

Stay tuned ... and, in the meantime, be blessed!

Abi Responds to David Fitch About reJesus....

I was caught by a Facebook entry by David Fitch about reJesus...so I popped over to see what he had to say.  I like Dave and I can see where he's coming from in this post -- just as I can see the perspective of my friend Len, who made the first comment (...Len, I've not had a chance to read your recent post -- but I will!).  That being said, this is what I had to say:

Having just posted a bit on this new book myself, I find that I understand what you're saying -- but think it might be a case of "methinks he doth protest too much".

The organic/missional church is frequently confronted with those who are afraid of both this and "heresy" -- as if the Holy Spirit is not able to teach and lead competently.  Perhaps it is a holding-on to the security of "history" rather than being able to have God lead us on down the road to a new place.

For many (most?) of those for whom organic and/or missional are where the Spirit is leading, it is precisely because the forms of church they have experienced have been so toxic that they must move away.  That does not mean that they are going as "individuals" -- they are going as disciples of the wild Messiah.  They are being gathered together so that they may engage the incarnational/missional pulse in the situation in which they find themselves.

Hirsch and Frost are not anti-church.  I believe that they are not convinced that the institutionalized church that many hold to is the "right" form of church.  My experience is right with them -- moving away from 40+ years of practice into something very other.  And I have had to move away so that I might see clearly enough to peal away the "laminations" of the institution in order to free the living organic body.

Perhaps many forms of the church have, like Eustace, wandered into the dragon's lair of consumerism and patriarchy and numerous other disractions ... and has awakened to find that is has turned into a dragon itself.  Today's fantasy world would welcome a friendly dragon that is powerful and flies and breathes fire with which to vanquish all its foes.  But, again like Eustace, it will find that the Body of Christ is a human reality ... and keeping and feeding and trying to carry a dragon along a wild sea-faring journey is just not practical.  And so the Dragon that was Eustace follows Aslan and submits to the Lion's claws in order to be un-dragoned and the boy trapped inside is set free to journey with his companions again.

There is much to be gained from the continuity of the church's history.  But it is too easy to set up the form as an idol and find Jesus outside that door knocking....

...or so this wee abbess thinks!

Blessings

...and that's about all I have to say about it at the moment.  Miles to go before I'm finished packing....

Abi

Abi's thoughts about reJesus and UNTAMED....

Why I love Alan & Debra Hirsch

When I went to Neil Cole's first Organic Church Conference in Long Beach, CA, in January of 2007, I did not know the Hirsches.  As I was trying to decide which seminars to attend, I thought Alan's sounded interesting.  It was beyond interesting ... it was mind-blowing.  Not in what Alan was saying -- but that he was saying what I had come to in my heart, but didn't know how to articulate.  I later told Alan that listening to (and, later, reading) him was for me just like reading C.S. Lewis was in the 70's:  seeing/hearing what I had come to believe in my heart but had no words with which to articulate it.

It will come as no surprise to my friends that what links me to Alan is our common embrace of Hebraic thought over and against Greek/Platonic thought.  This need to approach all things of God through a Hebrew filter is what drives my insistence on understanding cHesed and using cHesed glasses to view scripture and discipleship and relationship.

Really ... if one wants to understand scripture and the Incarnation, there is no way to get there without learning to think like a Hebrew.

UNTAMED

I will have to unpack their book later, but suffice it to say that it is a fabulous book -- and one perfect to use with a small group.  The thoughts for pondering at the end of each chapter are priceless.  And I must say that it is a book that really whets one's appetite for more.  Especially the hint that Deb will be writing a book of her own.  I look forward with great expectancy to that one!

For a wee abbess known for asking hard questions and telling it like it is, this book was so refreshing.  My frequent feelings of "abi-normal" ness were met by companions who share them.  It helped me understand even more why I resonated so strongly with both of them at that conference.

The Abbess highly recommends that you get their book.  You will not be sorry.

reJesus

Alan's newest book with Michael Frost is also wonderful.  I found myself nodding along as I read.  So  much frank analysis and fresh views of where we are as little Jesuses ... and where we need to be.  Another book to process with a group, although they do not have the wonderful discussion helps at the end of their chapters.

That being said, it was a bit of a shock to run into what I consider a bit of infiltrating Platonic Greek thought in their discussion of Paul's Vision of the Jesus Community in Chapter Seven:  The Church That Jesus Built.

Beginning with page 168, there are a number of examples where they embrace the understanding of "head" as authority rather than source.  Frankly, I was shocked by this.  One of the challenges of bridging time and space and culture and language is to realize how words are used at different times with different connotations.  Consequently, the next few pages brought a few raised eyebrows rather than head nods.  These were also the only times in the book that their words didn't ring true and their thoughts did not convince.  For me, at least, this was a missed opportunity to free the wild Messiah from another misconception.

In using the Ephesians1:22 verse where Christ is head over all things for the church, we  have an example where head is clearly used as a metaphor for authority -- over all things FOR the church.  And I agree with their conclusion that this means that all Christ's influence is used to benefit the church.  This is cHesed -- looking out for the best interest of the covenant partner.

But when Paul goes on to speak of the church as the Body of Christ, then the head metaphor must change from authority to one of source -- both as to origination as well as to sustenance.  I know that this is a hotly debated issue ... and getting hotter still.  But there is some important context which I find compelling.  And I am hopeful that Alan might find it so as well.

One of the critically important ancient arguments has actually been one of physiology -- concerning the location of the mind (the center of intelligence, reason, thinking, and decision-making).  In Paul's day, there had been two camps:  head and heart.  ( I am indebted to my friend, Dr. S. Scott Bartchy, for sending me an important article on this by Troy W. Martin from Saint Xavier University.  I am sorry that I do not have a link to it to include here.)

Plato, Philo and Plutarch held the head to be the center of intelligence, reason, thinking, and decision-making -- the center of control of the body.  It was no jump for those of that camp to see Paul's use of head as control or authority.

But Aristotle and the Stoics held the heart (kardia) as the center of intelligence, reason, thinking, and decision-making.  Many translators have shown this confusion when they chose to translate Paul's use of kardia as "mind" rather than "heart."

This, then, frees Paul to use "head" in what many see as the more common metaphorical sense -- as the source, origin and one who sustains life rather than the ruler and authority over another.

If we are to really hold to the Hebrew mindset, we must realize that when God came in Christ, he did not come to rule and exercise authority over humanity.  Even as we recognize him as Lord and Savior, Jesus shows himself to be the quintessential covenant-maker and covenant-keeper who uses all his power and influence for the best interest of the covenant partner -- us.

It is never in anyone's best interest for someone to rule over another.  That way leads to dependency and immaturity.  No, the way of Christ for his Bride is one of love that submits and grace that serves and mercy that initiates and supports.  There is no wielding of authority or ruling by coersion.  There is only wooing and waiting for the return of cHesed from the Beloved.

No, there is no way to biblically show Christ as the head of the Church his body in such as way as to allow husbands to rule with authority over their wives -- not at least in a way that is internally consistent for our God who is Love -- mutuality-in-equality. 

To have Paul making an appeal to order out of the wild freedom Jesus brought to the downtrodden is to really miss the point here.  He calls men to realize that Jesus had stripped them of their patriarchal power and calls them to love their wives by submitting to their needs, to be gracious to their wives by serving them and showing mercy to their wives by initiating and supporting their growth to maturity in Christ.  As sister in Christ first, wife second, the brethren are to embrace the mutuality-in-equality modeled by Jesus -- within the Trinity as well as within the disciples/the 120.  As wild as this freedom was for the sisters, it was a real twister for the brothers.

Paul finally gets around to speaking it explicitly in Ephesians 5:29-30, where he shows that nourishing and caring for his Body is what Jesus is about. As Alan and Michael say so clearly:  lets not tame Jesus and make him the opposite of what he said and is.  I say the same about Paul:  let the wild apostle of the wild Messiah be set free from our image of his message!

...stay tuned, there will be more about UNTAMED and reJesus from Abi!

Relaxing into the Dance....

Well, it just might be that the long-anticipated blogging about perichoresis is about to begin.

It started yesterday, with Don Miller's "What If?" challenge (by the way, I don't know what's up with Don's blog showing up as being suspended, but I hope it gets figured out soon). 

I spent some time processing Don's challenge and posted this reply yesterday.  It was striking to me that I would process all the scads of things that I would like to do for others ... and the thought about water just popped into my head.  I didn't see it coming ... Sarayu just popped that one in there to see if I was paying attention.  Since I type pretty fast, it got out of my thoughts on through my fingers before I had time to discard it.  Good one, Papa!

Here's the deal:  I have sensed for a while that my body is finally going to come out of this Decade of Decay and regain some significant vitality ... that is, before The Fall (no, not that one ... the one when I fell on the way to the mailbox and almost bought the proverbial farm).   While it did a good bit of physical damage to face and hands and knees, the worst of it has turned out to be a whopper of a concussion.  A year later, I'm still not 100% recovered. 

It has been quite a year ... one in which I began to journal in earnest.

Using a pen and paper, even.

And I'm still at it ... just got a new journal the other day (even found a purple one!)

Part of the concussion-processing has been a different kind of depression ... and that's a whole different story we're not going to talk about today ... through which Papa has been peeling back layers of stuff.  Stuff like disappointment and discouragement and isolation and loneliness and abandonment and guilt.  Stuff that has been hanging around for just about my whole life.  This, against the backdrop of processing Wayne Jacobsen's book, "He Loves Me" -- and trying to understand what it means to relax into Papa's love.

So here's the deal:  relaxing into Papa's love means living in expectancy rather than expectations.  To do that means to trust Papa's love for me and give up trying to earn it.  (It especially means giving up trying to earn the love and respect of others.  Yet another story for another time.  Get it straight with Papa first, or everything else is a no-go.)  Relaxing means recognizing that expectations are the doormat in front of the house of guilt and shame we have all built in order to survive in our harsh realities.  Paul Young has called this house The Shack.  We all have one.  No really.  Believe it.

Some of us have to get whacked on the side of the head (literally) to shift paradigms and let go of expectations.  (Please, don't be this stubborn ... unless that's the only way.  In which case, keep the Arnica, a cold compress and butterfly bandages handy.  And receive my heart-felt condolences.)

Anyway....

I have been stuck in my Shack and at a loss as to how to get out.  Looking back it reminds me of that scene in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone when Harry and Hermione and Ron are being strangled by a huge, root-like plant ... the more you struggle, the tighter it gets.  Hermione remembers from Herbology studies that the only way to get it to let you go is to relax.

This is where Don's post today comes in.  It is called "How I learned to like exercise..." -- which I have linked, but since the blog is not working, I'm going to repost it here (hope that's okay with you, Don!):

The first time I joined a gym the trainer worked me out until I nearly died. She put me on a machine and had me lift the weights in sets of ten, decreasing the weights each time, doing as many sets as it would take until I literally couldn’t lift an empty bar. She wanted me to know what a workout felt like, and wanted to make sure the initial work out was as hard as it could be, so I’d have something to compare my subsequent workouts to. I think she hated men. The result was that I could hardly get out of bed the next morning, or the morning after that, and I hated the gym. I associated the gym with pain and emasculation. And even when I went to the gym, unless I nearly killed myself, I felt like I hadn’t worked out at all. After a year or so, I just quit going.
Years later, though, I met a personal trainer at a coffee shop. He was hoping to write a book and I struck up a deal with him. I told him I’d give him some pointers on writing if he’d reintroduce me to the gym. He agreed, and I definitely got more out of the deal than he did. My trainers name was Dave, and he was great.
For our first workout, I showed up and he gave me a tour that stopped at the exercise bikes. We got on bikes next to each other and I started to pedal hard, trying to impress him. He quickly told me to slow down, to get my heart rate up to a level where I had to open my mouth to breathe, but could still talk. I did so, and it was pretty easy. We rode for about twenty minutes and then he told me to stop. I assumed we were going to move on to the real workout, but he said we were done. He told me to go home, that I’d done a good workout. I stood there shocked, nearly feeling ripped off. After all, I’d given him valuable information about writing, like the fact that books are often broken up into chapters.
Dave explained to me, though, that if I showed up at the gym and got my heart rate up for twenty minutes, I’d worked out. He said I needed to do that every day, and if I did, I had nothing to feel guilty about. He then told me to come back the next day, and we’d do the same workout, only increase it a little bit. The next day we rode for twenty minutes and he congratulated me on working out two days in a row. Then he asked if I wanted to do anything extra. I did, of course, so we ended up doing a mildly difficult workout with weights. Within a month, Dave was working me out so hard I once had to stop him and ask if I could go out in the alley behind the gym to throw up. And no kidding, he moved the rest of the workout into the alley so I wouldn’t throw up on his floor. But he kept working me out, always reminding me that what we were doing was extra, that I’d already finished my workout.
That was three or four years ago. These days, I almost never exercise for under an hour, and I exercise at least every other day, if not more often, depending on whether or not I am traveling. I love going for long walks or hikes or bike rides. What changed? All guilt went away. Before, I’d nearly kill myself and feel guilty for not doing enough. But now, I feel like anything over twenty minutes is extra. Before there was negative association with exercise, now there is positive association with exercise.
The same technique can be used with all sorts of areas in our lives where we are defeating ourselves. The question is, what constitutes a satisfactory job? What do we really need to do to be a good father, a good employee, a good wife, a good teacher. If we do that, we’ve done a good job, and anything else is extra. What you’ll find is you’ll do a whole lot extra, and feel great about it.
Any other tips on learning to like exercise? Or learning to do the things you don’t want to do?

Here's what clicked for me:  I have been trying to get to the "anything else is extra" stuff without getting the basic 20 minutes in.  You can only get the extra through the basic.  This is fairly simple, you think it would be easy ... but because something is simple does not mean that it is easy.  Not when you're stuck in The Shack.  Not when you have never really been good at taking care of yourself.  But when you have a husband and three growing boys and have spent 10 years in physical brokenness, everything gets broken.  And I do mean everything.  There is so much to do that it is just overwhelming to begin.  Wayne helped me learn to start by relaxing ... and I've been working hard at learning about relaxing for the past year.  Whew!  I had to learn the hard way (is there any other way?) that if I am not well, I cannot help my family be well.  (And that applies to spiritual family as well as physical family!)

Why is this so hard to get?  It this just a female thing?  I don't think so ... I think different folks just manifest the same struggle in different ways.

So, after doing great with my water drinking yesterday, I got up and did all the right stuff again today.  And after reading Don's post, I decided to go to the garage and lug the recumbent stationary bike out into the driveway and spend 20 minutes processing this with Papa while getting my Vitamin D fix for the day.

Not worrying what the neighbors driving by thought about the crazy woman talking and crying and cycling, I forged ahead.  After about 10 minutes, my legs began to tire (part of my problem is too many years of varying levels of muscle atrophy -- yet another story not going to be told).  But instead of stopping (or worse, continuing on and courting injury to already broken-down systems), I just dialed the tension on flywheel down to where I could keep the same pace without fatiguing the muscles.

I must have stopped every five minutes and dialed the tension down.  But here's what happened:  it suddenly dawned on me that it was perfectly okay to do that.  No guilt necessary.  There is no "exercise police" out there checking my work (or, more importantly, giving me a failing grade).

And while I was feeling the sun on my face, I decided to take off my glasses and just close my eyes and talk with Papa about what I've been learning in this ... when something else clicked:  it was like I was riding tandem with Jesus.  My job is to get on the bike and pedal.  I don't steer.  I don't pick the route.  I just get on and go wherever he's going.  Years ago I wrote about prayer as learning to walk with God, and I included that in my "Getting In Shape" segment of each day in my 40 Days of cHesed series on this blog -- and the idea of the tandem bike struck me, having ridden a tandem bike with Robert in the early years of our marriage.

Well ... long rambling story short:  the only way out of this Shack of mine is to let Papa dismantle it.  And the only way to get my broken down body back into shape is to start taking care of it at a pace that is appropriate for me.


Water first and foremost -- how many years have I been preaching about the myriad complications and symptoms of dehydration?  Duh....

And when the sun is shining, I'm gonna drag out my bike and ride for at least 20 minutes and see if I can't knock out this Vitamin D deficiency I've got going on, too.  Heck, even if the sun is hiding, I can dress warmly and pedal away in the garage!

What was that?

What happened to perichoresis, you say? 

Well, I've heard it's a Dance -- one in which I have to relax and follow Jesus' lead.  (Listen to Wayne talk about What do I do to live loved? at the bottom of the page -- the dance story is near the end, but the whole talk is worth hearing!)  And when I stiffen up, it means I'm trying to lead -- and boy that's tiring ... and fruitless.  So when I start cramping up, I dial my resistance down until I can relax into his love ... and away we go!

I'm sure that I will be processing the implications of this for quite some time.   But I'm going to keep my focus on the basics and let Sarayu take care of the extras.

Time for a water break!  ;^)

Abi