Abi's Post-Election Ponderings....

For a wee purple abbess with neurological over stimulation problems, this election cycle has been a form of torture ... and, now that the pathetic display of deficient active listening and critical thinking skills is not front and center ... a "Third Way" -- you know, the alternative that is always available to polarized people, but is not visible when people have their eyes averted and their ears tuned out -- occurred to me.

Jesus said something about the problem of those who have eyes but cannot see and those who have ears but cannot hear ... that they cannot be healed because they do not realize they are sick.  Years ago I preached a sermon from the Gospel of Mark on this passage -- the one most bibles call the parable of the sower, but I think it is really the parable of the soil -- and I think it would be a very profitable word study for folks to see what the scriptures say about hearing and seeing ... and the consequences for the community when "everyone did what was right in their own eyes"....

The problem in this parable is not with the seed or the sower.  The seed is the Good News and the sower is God ... no, the problem is with the soil -- and whether it was properly prepared to receive the seed.  For our God is a prodigal Father -- extravagant and wasteful is his amazing love for us.  He casts the Seed broadly. He lets the sun and rain fall on the good and the evil doers alike.  He is especially fond of each of us -- even in the midst of our messes.  But he is also one to allow the full weight of the consequences for the decisions his precious Eikons to fall squarely and painfully on their shoulders. It is harsh to watch new plants choked out by weeds or whither in the heat of the sun. We have to learn to live by faith precisely because God does NOT swoop in and save us from our choices, the choices or others, and Mother Nature.  And we are not smart enough to understand what God is up to with his creation.  Truly, we're not.  Let God's strength be shown in the midst of our weaknesses.

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This looks like it's going to take a while -- maybe you might want to get a cup of coffee or tea.  I'll wait for you.  ;^)

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In the past I have called God the Ultimate Situational Leader -- because of his willingness to adapt his way of leading to our readiness to follow.  But now I am thinking of adding Ultimate Love & Logic Parent to his long list of attributes.

I wish I had learned the principles of Love & Logic before I had children, so that my sons could have had the benefit of this when they were small.  And my husband and I could have saved so much damage to our relationship over how to parent. But they say it is never too late, so we have begun to try to learn to be parents in this way ... and it is no small task to re-parent yourselves so that you can become better parents.  

Anyway...enough of that particular pity party...and on to the point of this post:  the people in our country have become petulant children -- not unlike the two sons described here -- and they are in need of Love & Logic parenting to keep them from self-destructing.

There are basically two types of problem parents:  

• The Helicopters, who are always hovering around the children, ready to swoop in and rescue them from their poor choices.  (This has morphed into the Attack version -- you know the one who attacks anyone who tried to hold their children accountable for their behavior and choices.)  They are generally recognized by the smothering style of love -- a love that enslaves their children to them and stunts their growth toward maturity.  They are most often mothers, but there are some helicopter fathers out there, too.
• The Drill Sergeants, who are always ordering their children around, telling them what to do in every circumstance -- trying to prevent them from making poor choices.  They are generally recognized by their "tough love" style and belief that their kids won't learn to make good choices without their "help" and because everything is about control and order...no chaos allowed.  Logic reigns.  They are most often fathers, but there are some drill sergeant mothers out there, too.

But there is a healthy form of parenting out there, and it is called The Consultant.  These precious ones have what I call the right mix of order and chaos.  It is my CovenantClusters Rule of Life:

Enough organization for relationships to thrive. Enough chaos for creativity and communitas to emerge. Every need met.

Love allows for the chaos of learning from our mistakes -- and the earlier we make those mistakes, the less deadly they tend to be.  It provides a safe environment for the hard work of falling down and getting up.  Repeatedly.  Perhaps 70 times 7 times.   The Consultant Parent uses love to empathize with their children as they suffer the consequences for their choices.  Not a whiff of sarcasm allowed here -- true sorrow with them in their time of pain.  The Consultant knows the wisdom in realizing there is a good reason for having two ears and one mouth....

Logic recognizes the natural consequences that come as a result of all our choices.  Some are favorable ... others, not so much.  And it calls for helping the children to think clearly about what they have done, what their options are to fix their mistakes, and how to make right the relationships that have suffered.  The Consultant -- having listened well -- doesn't tell the child what to do, but asks helpful questions ... like "what are you going to do about that?" instead of the unhelpful questions ... like "why did you do that?"  or "what were you thinking?"

I have bits of each of these three styles.  I am a recovering helicopter and drill sergeant and a developing consultant -- my eyes and ears are open now...and the healing is beginning.

My, but this is painful work.  Parenting is all about the behavior of the parent, not the child.  It is hard work.  Lord, have mercy ... trusting God's cHesed for me is essential to my success, because I know that I cannot do this in my own strength or wisdom.   Hmmm...purple parenting....

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Back to post-election pondering, with that context set...and please forgive the gross over-generalizations and the fact that I will be referring to America's citizens as "children" -- only in the sense that our elected officials have a duty to secure our environment in order for us to have the chance at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness ... and allow the natural and legal consequences of our choices to help us learn and make better choices and be better citizens.

It seems to me that the polarized political parties are like fighting parents.

• The Helicopter Parents won't allow their children to fail. And if not allowed to fail, there is no learning from mistakes.  There is no chance for necessity to become the mother of invention.  There is no learning to persevere and overcome adversity on the road to independence and later interdependence because of achievement.  There is, in its place, dependency and a growing sense of entitlement.  Sometimes there is a disregard for the rule of law and taking matters into their own hands. These parents not only feel the pain of their children, it becomes their own pain. They are susceptible to the "if you love me, you will..." line.  They are most often what we call Liberals, but there are Conservatives Helicopter Parents out there.
• The Drill Sergeant Parents are so focused on order and the rule of law that they attempt to control behavior -- even attempting to legislate morality -- so that the family image in the community is preserved and the "dirty laundry" reality is never acknowledged, much less cleaned up.  They may be successful in getting their kids to not break the rules, but the loopholes kill them ... and all too often the rebellion is simmering under the surface.  These parents often have compliant kids who check out from the family community in order to find community that accepts them as they are and allows them to assert their individuality.  Their children frequently accuse them of being "mean" and "you don't understand me".  They are most often what we call Conservatives, but there are Liberal Drill Sergeant Parents out there.
• There is another minor sub-type:  The Laissez Faire Parent -- the ones who think that children can raise themselves without any interference or guidance. Live and let live. They are found in both Liberals and Conservatives, although they look very different in each.  There are probably a good deal of them in the Libertarian camp.

Perhaps you need a moment to stop and take a deep breath -- breathing out what I am NOT meaning and setting aside your sense that this is all too condescending.  I already said it would be gross over-generalizations.  We're just looking at patterns here....

Okay, feeling better?  Great!

What we need is a coalition of recovering Helicopter, Drill Sergeant and Laissez Fair types who see the problems they foster and work together to become Consultant types.  I think that Oprah has some of the skills to be the Consultant -- and please follow the links in this post I wrote on Oprah's last show.  I think there is more deep thinking to be done, but she is a good starting place.  One of the things I appreciate about her is that she owns her mistakes -- when she sees or hears them.  The challenge of power is always staying open to versions of the truth that differ from you own.  Speaking the truth in love to powerful people is a difficult row to hoe....

So, what would The Consultant look like in Politics?  If would have to get to work within each and every branch of politics, first of all.  This is the only way to get out of the current gridlock.  There is truth in each position.  We have to find the truth in each story in order to find the way through the challenges ahead of us as these United States of America!

The "children" of America have to do a lot of growing up.  Seriously.  And our leaders need to help us mature toward healthy independence/interdependence instead of continuing to foster immaturity and dependence.

• Each person is loved by God -- regardless of their circumstances or choices.  They deserve our love and respect and compassion and clear thinking and logic in the midst of their story.
• There is no excuse for employing the language of hate and destruction and fear and power and coersion and greed and envy.  We have to choose the difficult task of learning to think deeply and then speak the truth -- the whole truth and nothing but the truth. "Spin" and "straw men" have to stop. The ends do not justify the means.  "What you win them with is what you win them to" is every bit as true here as it is in spreading the Good News of the Kingdom of God!
• There is no Free Lunch.  Somebody has to pay for it.  Remember not to kill the goose that lays the golden egg...and other pithy saying about teaching someone to fish, etc.
• Learn the difference between a need and a want.  Seriously.  I learned this during my two years in Northern Thailand ... when I learned that hot water was a want.  Even running water was a want.  I challenge you to sit down and make a list of true needs and put it up against the what you have.
• In order to ensure that our needs are met, we have to learn to live within our means.  Everyone, please get this. Budgets are challenging but they ARE necessary.  We need to learn how to say and hear "No, we can't affort that choice at this time."  Greed and envy come from confusing need and want.  They lead down a dark path.  Do not go there.  And acknowledge that debt is not our friend....
• Cheerful generosity is the rule of the New Covenant instituted by Jesus Christ.  There is no "tithe tax" any more (lots of churches don't realize that yet) because we are to give according to our blessings.  Yet, there is also no "coerced generosity" either -- we are to give as we feel led, not taxed because we have something that can be taxed.  The whole idea of what is "fair" really needs to be worked over something good. 

Well ... feast or famine, eh?  I am sorry for the length, but this just came pouring out of my fingers today. 

Be blessed, friends -- Papa is especially fond of you, and his cHesed is faithful.

Abi

Abi is a non-patriarchal conservative progressive egalitarian

Things have been very quiet at this blog -- for lots of reasons.  But I finally have the strength to speak to an issue that has been slowly bubbling on the back burner of my over-stimulated brain-on-fire:  I have to really disagree with the use of the word "egalitarian" to describe the opposite of "patriarchal" or "complementarian".

There, I said it.  I am starting to feel better already, but I will continue and explain myself some.

My dear mentor, S. Scott Bartchy, PhD., is still in the process of the final edit of his long-awaited book:  Call No Man Father.  I long for it to be finished, but in the meantime there are a few links to articles he has published which can give you some of the general background.

Who Should Be Called Father?
Undermining Ancient Patriarchy
Secret Siblings

On page 145 of his article "Who Should Be Called Father?", Dr. Bartchy addresses the third of three barriers to understanding how Paul has been misunderstood as supporting patriarchy (and with it, hierarchy) in the section entitled Egalitarianism Is Not the Opposite of Patriarchy.

The problem is that is has become common to blur the distinctions between two ancient Greco-Roman social institutions:  politics and kinship.  They are not opposite ends of the same social-political spectrum.  They are on completely different spectrum.

Patriarchy belongs to the semantic field of kinship -- the realm of the family.  Egalitarian belongs to the semantic field of politics, referring to things like equal access to the vote, to positions of public leadership, and to ownership of property. The opposite of patriarchal dominance is not egalitarian anarchy/cooperation.

Because of this ongoing confusion, we have not assigned a proper term.  We must slog along with, um, non-patriarchy.  This is the term used where the power of the fathers and males has been undermined in favor of the Heavenly Father's leadership of his Kingdom Family of siblings who follow Jesus as First Born, Lord and Master.

In the same way, the opposite of egalitarianism is not patriarchy but monarchy, oligarchy or despotism.  And part of the confusion came from Roman Emperors who disguised their monarchy behind a kind of public patriarchy -- the pater patriae, the father of the fatherland.

Understandable yet regrettable...and, ultimately, something that must be made right by those who call Jesus Lord and no man Father but God.  Jesus, and Paul, turned the power of the patriarchs on their heads.  There was no longer an entitlement to power over ... but a command to love and serve as Jesus loves and serves.

Jesus, and Paul, called on the men to give God's place back...to let God be Father of those who accept his amazing offer of adoption as siblings of, and joint heirs with, Jesus Christ.

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In a really funky way, the polarized politics in America is caught in this same kind of semantic problem.  Stay with me all the way through, please...so you understand where I am coming from:

• Conservative means faithfulness to the "status quo" -- and is meant to apply to the Constitution as intended by the original authors.  The Framers have the same problem as the Apostle Paul as folks try to twist and expand and change the original meaning of their writings.  Conservatives believe that the Constitution cannot mean today what it did not mean when the Framers wrote it.  This requires diligence with regard to historical and linguistic and social and political distance ... because history and language and society and politics have changed over the past two centuries.  
• Progressive means adapting to the changing meanings of history and language and society and politics -- and is meant to apply to learning from history, updating colloquialisms, removing barriers to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in society and seeking peaceful unity in politics.  If this requires amending the Constitution, there is a policy in place that is to be followed.

I find it interesting that American politics has continued the Roman error, where many on both sides of these terms see them as opposites.  Some Conservatives yearn for a kind of Political Patriarchy that gives lip service to a kind of Christian Monarchy.  Some Progressives yearn for a kind of Political Oligarchy that gives lip service to a kind of Social Patriarchy.  

But the American experiment is one where neither of these scenarios fit.  We are honored to have a Constitution to which we are pledged to be faithful.  It is, indeed, our "status quo" and it must be conserved.  And as a free people, we are honored to be self-governing and choose our representatives.  We need to continue to progress as we learn better what justice and mercy and rule of law look like, so that we can build on the Framer's Foundation.

We conserve the contents of the Constitution for everyone's benefit.  We make progress as a society and a republic by following the rule of law and practicing responsible freedom at home and abroad.  Neither of these endeavors are aided by methods of coercion that leads toward patriarchy or oligarchy.

It's still true that power does tend to corrupt -- and absolute power corrupts absolutely.  This is why God's power is made perfect in our weakness.  When we submit to one another in cHesed -- looking out for the best interest of the other, according to the covenant -- the world sees that we live in a different Kingdom.  A Kingdom where Jesus is King and God is Father.  Lording it over others has no place in the lives of those who follow Jesus Christ -- not in their home life, not in their business life and not in their political life.  Life is messy and it takes time and humility and good humor to "...listen one another into free speech."

Those who try to make politics a subset of religion err.  America is not an experiment in Christian Theocracy as an upgrade of Hebrew Theocracy.  America is not an experiment in Christian or Marxist Collectivism, either.  America is an experiment in being a Representative Republic made up of many Sovereign States -- of the people, by the people and for the people -- where there is tremendous freedom for progress toward a more perfect union and freedom from oppression in all its forms -- especially those known as patriarchy and oligarchy.  Out of many States we forge the United States of America -- and we need to respect and value each person and each state to the best of our ability.  And when we are wrong, we need to repent and progress toward that more perfect union -- the one the Framers envisioned.

Those Americans who are also followers of Jesus have an opportunity to join this wee purple abbess as she endeavors to live as a non-patriarchal conservative progressive egalitarian.  

O, that would be glory, indeed!

Be blessed....

Abi ponders Peck, Post #4

Okay ... I finished the book last night.  And got my copies of Peck's People of the Lie in the mail and started the the first few chapters.  It all came flooding back.  The hard work of looking at the truth that we would go to amazing lengths not to see is very difficult.  So much so that an increasing number of people are choosing to take the easy way out.  Laziness rears its ugly head....

I am not going to discuss this book here.  The topic requires much more respect and discernment from those who have read the book in its entirety.  There is much to be misunderstood and I believe that there is no easy way to understand what Peck has labored to share.  You must read it for yourself.  But if you have read it, I will be happy to discuss it with you....you may leave your contact information in the comments here.

I have to say that both of these books are important reads.  For two main reasons:

1. Peck is looking to be the bridge between religion and science ... from the science side as a gifted thinker and physician, and from the religion side as a mystic and seeker who got all the way through the seeking to the finding.  And he did, in fact, find Jesus.  His embrace of Jesus as Messiah was complete.  Now, there will be those who will not agree with some of his theology.  Go and do your own searching before you turn away.  Tolkien's call to "suspend disbelief" in order to understand fully comes to mind here.  The unfortunate rift that was torn in the whole cloth of Truth, in order to take the "mystery" out of science is in need of restoration -- the divorce of the natural from the supernatural -- and Peck was ahead of his time on that front.  I find his books to include more than a pinch of the much needed salt of humility.  He was, indeed, a Cracked Eikon ... and we would do well to heed his example of looking at the Truth head on so that we may learn from our myriad mistakes.
2. What passes for "calling out evil" these days seems quite pathetic to me.  This is probably where I will do the most pondering in subsequent posts -- most likely because it is really a byproduct of sloppy thinking and deficient discernment concerning ethics and morality.  Too often we call "immoral" that which is not aligned with what we think or desire ... and "ethics" is becoming a form of Political Correctness.  If we are to return these important disciplines to their rightful place, we are going to have to spend time thinking deeply on root issues, not sidetracked by circumstances and emotions and talking points.

 There is much evil running rampant all around us.  Until we are willing to look in the mirror and deal with our own evil -- our own laziness -- our own unwillingness to exert ourselves for the best interest of the other ... we will continue to be blinded by the plank in our own eye and so unable to help the other with the speck that is troubling them.

One of the things Peck says is that human evil is basically concerned with taking the wide path, as it were.  When confronted with difficulties (whether relationally or economically or physically or spiritually or intellectually), the choice always exists:  (a) do I take the narrow path of love and discipline -- of my heart and soul and mind and strength -- wherever it leads and do what is right ... or (b) to take the wide path, the easy way, where my problem are not really MY problems that I must wrestle with and allow the Holy Spirit to both convict and instruct and heal -- but someone else's problems that relieve me of responsibility for my actions, or inaction.

Take a minute to read Matthew 7 ... the whole chapter.  If you have time, read the entire Sermon on the Mount.  Make this a regular practice, reading the Sermon on the Mount.  Read it in a different version every day.

In the end Peck says that we cannot deal with human evil "out there" until we deal with the evil in our own hearts ... where we allow the Holy Spirit access to the shadows in order to shine the Light of Truth and dispel the lies than ensnare us.  Only then can we look unblinking at our own laziness and ask for Jesus to disciple us.  To teach us.  To work the hardest of work in our own hearts.

This is another aspect of The Purple Martyrdom ... this work within.

The reason that there are so many monastic traditions that have these three chapters as the foundation of their rule is that they have an understanding of this important personal work that must be embraced and walked every day of their lives.  Every day.  There is no end to this discipleship ... until until we are fully conformed to the image of Jesus. When we are released from this body of death and are clothed in the imperishable, that work will be complete.

Embrace it ... there are those who will journey with you on that narrow path.  There will, no doubt, be many more "Peck Posts" ... stay tuned.  And better yet ... get the book for yourself and follow along!

Be blessed.

A Tale of Two Words....

Okay...the Abbess has been driven from her silence! Jonathan Brink asked this question on Facebook: Is it possible to be both complementarian and egalitarian in gender relationships. And there were 75 comments! There seemed to be a significant amount of talking past each other ... and instead of tacking something on to the end of a conversation that is over, I decided to break my silence here.

While busy doing lots of things that I promise to blog about ... later ... I have begun reading through the manuscript of my ministry mentor (I will be blogging a lot more about this.), giving him another set of eyes with a different view as a way of checking whether he is connecting with his intended readers. This is fabulous work and I am pleased to get to see it as it is being fashioned into a book.

One of the articles Scott sent me to review before sending actual chapters had this section title: Egalitarianism Is Not the Opposite of Patriarchy. Well, that got my attention! He goes on to say that scholars (and their readers), "have largely ignored the fact that patriarchal systems in general and the ancient Mediterranean system in particular socialized men not only to dominate women but also to gain the upper hand over as many other men as possible. Along with social analysts and journalists, they have also mistakenly assumed that the terms egalitarianism and patriarchy describe opposite ends of the same social-political spectrum. Inadvertently, they have blurred the distinctions between two ancient social institutions: politics and kinship. These two missteps lead inevitably away from comprehension of Paul's implicit and explicit critique of the patriarchy of his day."

He goes on to say that the opposite of egalitarianism is not patriarchy as such but monarchy, oligarchy, or despotism. Complementarianism is a term invented fairly recently by Fundamentalist Theologians to disguise the patriarchialism it represents. It is almost as if they vaguely understand that there is a problem with patriarchy ... but the cost of dealing with the problem is too high.

Dr. Bartchy continued: "On the one hand, the term patriarchy belongs to the semantic field of kinship, the realm of the family. On the other hand, the term egalitarian belongs to the semantic field of politics and refers to such things as equal access to the vote, to positions of public leadership, and to ownership of property."

I wrote in the margins of the article this comment: "Perhaps it (egalitarian) is confused because women were largely seen as property being freed from patriarchal tyranny."

Rather than acknowledging that Jesus, and Paul, were first freeing women (and other men) from the domination of patriarchy, complementarianism continues to embrace patriarchy (missing much of Jesus' and Paul's point). Egalitarians mix their apples with oranges when trying to mix kinship with politics ... largely because there is not an opposite to patriarchy that is to be embraced.

Which leads to the title of Scott's book: Call No Man Father. We who believe in Christ Jesus are called to be joint heirs with him as children of our heavenly Father. There is only one Father. Everyone else is a brother or sister.....

This is just the first of many posts to come as I ponder this anew.

Stay tuned.

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Update: For some reason I cannot post a comment! This is the first time this has happened to me... maybe Google Chrome has an issue. In the meantime, I would like to add my comment here:

Welcome, gracerules!

If the big shift Jesus called for (and Paul echoed) was for those who were the patriarchs to put down their privilege, the sisters and the children and the slaves and the brothers were not supposed to have an uprising against the fathers -- but those who were fathers or husbands or slave-owners were to radically change the way they interacted with those who they formerly were welcome to dominate.

Subversion of patriarchy was an inside job. ;^) Which also means that it can only be defeated from the inside as well.

Perhaps this is why the church is where it is today ... too many have not heard the call for the fathers to become brothers?

Thanks for visiting and for your comment!

The Abbess and The Election

Many blogs have gone quiet concerning the election because there is so much intensity surrounding the candidates this year. But this is the day, friends and the Abbess urges you to be sure that you get out and vote.

Those of you out west, do not let anyone discourage you from casting your vote. Remember Galadriel's words to Frodo: even the smallest person can make a difference.

...it is better to have voted and lost then never to have voted at all. Don't make tomorrow one of regret because you didn't vote.

Whatever the outcome, Jesus is Lord and those who follow him will keep on keepin' on.

...some of you may have a better understanding of purple, however. ;^)

Shalom--to each of you, to this great nation of our, and to the people of the world.

Abi