Monday, October 19, 2009

...A Quiet 2nd Blogiversarous

It has been a very long summer and this wee purple abbess has been very, very busy tending to her home and family. It has been good to do this, after being so very limited these past nine years. I have set myself a deadline of Christmas to have gone through and made each room "orderly" ... not to be confused with "pristine" ... and I am happy to say that I am well on my way.

In addition to bring order to the physical house, I am endeavoring to bring some much-needed order to the character development process with my three growing boys. It is wonderful to see the progress ... it really is exhausting work (no wonder I have been so hit and miss all these purple years).

I am hoping to gain a sense of balance between all the areas in which I have the opportunity to exert influence ... and am hopeful that Papa will grant me both the grace and the wisdom to accomplish that which is necessary.

It is almost impossible to comprehend the things I have done these past two years following the Seabeck conference. But they have all brought me to this day, and I am grateful to be where I am.

Mostly, I am grateful to have come across Wayne Jacobsen and learned a bit about what it means to live loved. I am hopeful that I will be able to share more of what that means in my third year of blogging ... and I will have to schedule some time for that processing.

In the mean time, I have much to do concerning the practice of living loved. It is a kind of daily office for me, but one much different than I experienced at Seabeck....

Before living cHesed, before living the Jesus Creed, before living Missional, before living CovenantClusters ... there must be a true and deep and pervasive sense of living loved by Papa -- just as I am right now ... as I am actively being perceived by The Perceiver who holds all things together.

I do not know how this primary reality has gotten lost ... and I have learned, instead, to live condemned, disappointing, unworthy ... unable to hold on to his love long enough for me to be filled -- and so unable to overflow onto the dry and thirsty land all around.

Living loved seems, for me, to take the form of being more quiet. And that means less talking in general and more listening ... not necessarily to the many I've been listening to in the past, but to the still small voice of the one who completely and utterly loves me.

Leaning into the reality of Papa's love is the foundation for everything else. It is the provision for all needs. It is the power for all actions. Without it there can be no true cHesed for others ... and there can be no true Good News:

For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son -- so that those who believe in him might have eternal life; for God didn't send his son into the world to condemn it, but that the world, through him, might be saved. (John 3:16-17)
Blessings to those of you who have been Abi's friend over these two years ... she is counting on your prayers as she continues to walk with Papa (and Jesus and Sarayu, of course) into the unknown. It will all work out ... I still don't know how ... it is the Divine Mystery, indeed.


Janet Woodlock said...

Happy anniversary Virtual Abbess! I've really enjoyed reading these reflections.

And living loved... well the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing, is it not?

Drink it in Abbess, until the spring rises up and overflows with living water!

By the way, I only just noticed you commented on my Facebook photo months ago... this is from the bay of islands, one of the less famous rock formations along the Great Ocean Road in Victoria, Austalia. This is apparently one of the great drives of the world... how about that? Though it doesn't always hug the ocean... it does weave around hills and even low mountains away from the ocean in places.

The water colour changes with the weather of course... which is one of the things I like about the sea. (It probably does this less in Hawaii which I suppose only does hot and wet, and hot and dry!) Victoria is more seasonal than that, but it only snows in the mountains.

Janet Woodlock said...

Oh, and my "blogger" photo is from the Blue Lake in Mount Gambier (South Australia)... an absurdly blue volanic lake in summer. It apparently changes to a grey colour in winter, but I've never been there then to verify this. Noone knows why it changes colour like that. Both photos are from the same trip to Adelaide we took in January. (apologies to other bloggers for these dull details!)

AbiSomeone said...

Thank you, Janet ... for your encouragment and your delightful details! ;^)

I find that when I do not live loved by Papa, that I make too many expectations of others -- or feel too much pressure by their expectations of me. Only God can fill that "God-shaped" hole -- in our hearts and in the hearts of others. It seems that I have just as much to unlearn (more?) as I have to learn!

Mike said...

Keep the reflections coming

Brad said...

omg! i'm so far behind that i missed your blogiversary, which means i missed mine too. well, we're back now ... sort of ... and it's onward and upward and Christward for us! hope/pray by next blogiversary, things will be more settled, secure, and sanctified ...

annette said...

like. : )

will be pondering this, my friend... for real, pondering...


Diane said...

Hi "Abi,"

I'm glad your back! I loved your heartfelt--and dare I say "quakerly" post.

AbiSomeone said...

Hehehe, Diane! Quakerly, indeed. I do share a number of perspectives with my Friends ;^)

Essay said...

Thanks for sharing, your blog is worth reading, nice post. Keep it up.