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In addition to bring order to the physical house, I am endeavoring to bring some much-needed order to the character development process with my three growing boys. It is wonderful to see the progress ... it really is exhausting work (no wonder I have been so hit and miss all these purple years).
I am hoping to gain a sense of balance between all the areas in which I have the opportunity to exert influence ... and am hopeful that Papa will grant me both the grace and the wisdom to accomplish that which is necessary.
It is almost impossible to comprehend the things I have done these past two years following the Seabeck conference. But they have all brought me to this day, and I am grateful to be where I am.
Mostly, I am grateful to have come across Wayne Jacobsen and learned a bit about what it means to live loved. I am hopeful that I will be able to share more of what that means in my third year of blogging ... and I will have to schedule some time for that processing.
In the mean time, I have much to do concerning the practice of living loved. It is a kind of daily office for me, but one much different than I experienced at Seabeck....
Before living cHesed, before living the Jesus Creed, before living Missional, before living CovenantClusters ... there must be a true and deep and pervasive sense of living loved by Papa -- just as I am right now ... as I am actively being perceived by The Perceiver who holds all things together.
I do not know how this primary reality has gotten lost ... and I have learned, instead, to live condemned, disappointing, unworthy ... unable to hold on to his love long enough for me to be filled -- and so unable to overflow onto the dry and thirsty land all around.
Living loved seems, for me, to take the form of being more quiet. And that means less talking in general and more listening ... not necessarily to the many I've been listening to in the past, but to the still small voice of the one who completely and utterly loves me.
Leaning into the reality of Papa's love is the foundation for everything else. It is the provision for all needs. It is the power for all actions. Without it there can be no true cHesed for others ... and there can be no true Good News:
For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son -- so that those who believe in him might have eternal life; for God didn't send his son into the world to condemn it, but that the world, through him, might be saved. (John 3:16-17)
Blessings to those of you who have been Abi's friend over these two years ... she is counting on your prayers as she continues to walk with Papa (and Jesus and Sarayu, of course) into the unknown. It will all work out ... I still don't know how ... it is the Divine Mystery, indeed.
