Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Abi's New Year's Eve Reflections

A Facebook post by Sarah Bessey asked for a word or phrase to sum up the year.  What popped into my head was:  Preserved to Persevere.

These were the words whispered into my heart earlier this year when I pondered the reason for so many horrific injuries, accidents and trauma visited on me (any my family) over the past 20 years, with an emphasis on the past five.

I had been preserved.

In the face of so many times when I could have been lost -- or more severely injured -- Death had been turned away.  No.  It is not her time...not yet.


We rarely find an acceptable answer for the "Why?" question...I had learned that lesson over the years from my Patron Saint:  Job.  This year was so hard I found myself back there...wondering why.  And the Spirit answered.

I had been preserved.

You will have heard me say "privilege is always given for a purpose" many times. So I wondered what purpose there was in the continued privilege of walking on this side of Kingdom Life.

I had been preserved to persevere.

There is to be no giving up or giving in....

Interestingly, I finished the year reading an amazing book. Neurological issues have severely limited my ability to read these past five years, so I knew this was a gift.  I read "Unbroken" by Laura Hillenbrand.  I totally recommend this book. But this story had been told from another angle. Louis Zamperini had written his autobiography earlier.  He talked about two things:  never give up and never give in.

Louis Zamperini knew what it meant to be preserved to persevere.

My wee story is nothing compared with his. What a remarkable man. But I think, if we will have eyes that see, that each of us can see how we have been preserved to persevere. Whatever obstacles are thrown in our path, we find a way to not give up or give in. But is not not easy and it is done one step at a time. In the moment, we can't see a way forward...but somehow we take one more step....

One step at a time, I have arrived at the end of this year. Tomorrow will bring 2015...and I do not know what the journey will look like.

But I will put my hand in the hand of God, every day. And Father, Son and Spirit will be to me better than light and safer than a known way.  Seven New Year's Eves now since that post...and still so much darkness. But I will persevere. And, even though it is clear that I knew I was not alone seven years ago, I have such a deeper sense of God's presence...of my participation in The Great Dance.

I will day at a time...with 2015 being a bit of a 12 Step dance, I think. ;^)

Be blessed!


Saturday, December 6, 2014

Abi's Advent -- Week One, I was gone Sunday through Friday night late for the entire first week of Advent...the week where we talk about longing...longing for the Savior to come and make things right, bringing justice and righteousness.

I spent this week longing as well.  Longing for this week of intensive neurological therapy to restore balance to my battered brain.  It was a lot of work, but the good news is that the wonderful team at NW Functional Neurology were, effectively, able to reboot my brain and restore balance.

The bad news is that my newly-balanced pathways are not solid enough yet to withstand the waves of stress that wash over my brain day in and day out...and so I must work through my set of nine exercises three to five times a day...and make these fragile pathways solid from repetition...and more repetition. And I have to find a way to reduce the stress.

There is no one in my home who is particularly interested in this essential task before me, much less eager to help me -- either with the exercises or with the reduction of stressors.

...just me -- and Jesus and Papa and Grandmother, that is.  Somehow, it is time to make this foursome the true Reality in all aspects of my life...every day...all day long.  Yes, I would like to have my family help, encourage and care for me. But that's just not what's happening right now. It makes me very, very sad and lonely to own that reality.  But it is, as they say, what it is.

And so I have had a very intense sense of longing this week...longing for the Primary Family of Father, Son and Spirit to take their rightful place in my heart this dull the ache of expectation and replace it with the healing balm of expectancy. 

All. Will. Be. Well.  [Always makes me think of that recurring theme from Shakespeare In Love:  It will all work out in the end.  How?  I don't know, it's a mystery.]  Embrace the mystery....

As Advent cycles around again this year, I am a completely different person than I was last year...and every year before. I am grateful for all that I have learned and all the ways I have grown.  I believe that this was the year and the time for this work to be accomplished with my very purple, broken brain...and I trust that Jesus will walk with me through the therapy.

So...just had to get this first post of Advent in before midnight, when the Second Sunday of Advent begins.


Blessings on you....